NUTRITION
EXERCISE
1.42 Miles Walked
30:35 Minutes
21:26 Mile/Min Pace
Monday, August 6, 2012
LIVING IN THE EXTREMES
If you have been reading my blog for any period of time, you probably understand that I am a woman of extremes.
I swing from one extreme to the other like a big, emotional pendulum!!!
I don't tend to play in the middle very often where weight loss is concerned (or anything else for that matter). I am either on track and gung ho, or I am off track - and eating at McDonald's every day.
Long term, I realize living in the extremes is not healthy or sustainable. Obviously it hasn't been exactly fruitful for me either - yes, I do well for a period of time, but then I burn out...and the pendulum swings to the other extreme.
I know I will have to moderate myself if I want to make a lasting, life long change.
BUT, sometimes when I am 'in the extremes', I push myself and do things that I never thought I were possible. HENCE, my hike to the Y.
Well, friends, in true Connie fashion, I have once again gone to the extreme!!! I really felt like I needed something to motivate me to incorporate exercise as a key component of my current weight loss journey.
I believe strongly that my prior attempts to shed weight and get healthy have been far too focused on nutrition, and not enough on exercise. A good friend of mine is currently on her own weight loss journey, and she is REALLY kicking butt. She started her journey SOLELY focused on exercise. Slowly, but surely, the nutrition came along - and seriously, the weight loss has been amazing - in fact many people think she has had lap band or gastric bypass because she is shedding weight so quickly!!. This has convinced me that exercise MUST be a priority.
So, this time around, I am trying to put a heavy focus on exercise. AND, by put a heavy focus on exercise, I mean I signed up for a Half Marathon!!!
Yes, friends, you heard that right....I signed up for a half marathon. The Halloween Half in Provo, Utah to be exact!!! I will not be running it....I will be walking it. This half marathon is friendly toward walkers (I really think more of them should be!!!) allowing 4 hours to complete the course (about an 18:20 minute mile pace).
Katie at Runs for Cookies (do you get tired of me referring to her??? Really, have you checked out her blog??? If not, you need to - then you will understand why I constantly refer to her) walked a half marathon BEFORE losing weight. I decided I could do the same.
I think having this goal will help me to truly focus on the physical aspect of my journey and help me to take the next stop to getting healthy.
NOW, because I do much better when I have comrades in arms - I went ahead and signed up the Hubs AND my poor unsuspecting sister!!! No, I did not tell them I was signing them up - this was done without their knowledge. I JUST SIGNED THEM UP! I didn't want to give them a chance to say "No". LUCKILY, they both got on board and last Monday we started the Hal Higdon training program to walk a half marathon!!!
AND...now my kids, my sister's Mother in Law, and two of my nieces are training with us!!! We also have a dachshund - Magnum, and a bichon/yorkie mix - Ripley, in tow. WE ARE A FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH!!
Saturday we completed our first week of training - culminating in a 3 mile walk (we actually walked 3.42 miles, but hey, who's counting!!) Let me tell you, my body hates me - I am stiff and sore - and really stiff and really sore. During the 3 mile walk I tripped and fell flat on my face - I bruised my ego, banged up my left knee and elbow, and twisted the right knee. BUT, I got back up and I finished that walk. AND tonight I will be back on the streets again, pounding the pavement, prepping for that 13.1 mile walk.
I will finish this program and walk that damn half marathon!!!
It will be worth it. I know it will. Even it if is extreme!
(P.S. if you are interested in training with us for the Half Marathon, drop me a line! We walk every scheduled night at 9:00 pm...the more the merrier!)
ALSO, check out my good friend Erin - she is rocking it on her Couch to 5K program!!! GO ERIN!!!
I swing from one extreme to the other like a big, emotional pendulum!!!
I don't tend to play in the middle very often where weight loss is concerned (or anything else for that matter). I am either on track and gung ho, or I am off track - and eating at McDonald's every day.
Long term, I realize living in the extremes is not healthy or sustainable. Obviously it hasn't been exactly fruitful for me either - yes, I do well for a period of time, but then I burn out...and the pendulum swings to the other extreme.
I know I will have to moderate myself if I want to make a lasting, life long change.
BUT, sometimes when I am 'in the extremes', I push myself and do things that I never thought I were possible. HENCE, my hike to the Y.
Well, friends, in true Connie fashion, I have once again gone to the extreme!!! I really felt like I needed something to motivate me to incorporate exercise as a key component of my current weight loss journey.
I believe strongly that my prior attempts to shed weight and get healthy have been far too focused on nutrition, and not enough on exercise. A good friend of mine is currently on her own weight loss journey, and she is REALLY kicking butt. She started her journey SOLELY focused on exercise. Slowly, but surely, the nutrition came along - and seriously, the weight loss has been amazing - in fact many people think she has had lap band or gastric bypass because she is shedding weight so quickly!!. This has convinced me that exercise MUST be a priority.
So, this time around, I am trying to put a heavy focus on exercise. AND, by put a heavy focus on exercise, I mean I signed up for a Half Marathon!!!
Yes, friends, you heard that right....I signed up for a half marathon. The Halloween Half in Provo, Utah to be exact!!! I will not be running it....I will be walking it. This half marathon is friendly toward walkers (I really think more of them should be!!!) allowing 4 hours to complete the course (about an 18:20 minute mile pace).
Katie at Runs for Cookies (do you get tired of me referring to her??? Really, have you checked out her blog??? If not, you need to - then you will understand why I constantly refer to her) walked a half marathon BEFORE losing weight. I decided I could do the same.
I think having this goal will help me to truly focus on the physical aspect of my journey and help me to take the next stop to getting healthy.
NOW, because I do much better when I have comrades in arms - I went ahead and signed up the Hubs AND my poor unsuspecting sister!!! No, I did not tell them I was signing them up - this was done without their knowledge. I JUST SIGNED THEM UP! I didn't want to give them a chance to say "No". LUCKILY, they both got on board and last Monday we started the Hal Higdon training program to walk a half marathon!!!
AND...now my kids, my sister's Mother in Law, and two of my nieces are training with us!!! We also have a dachshund - Magnum, and a bichon/yorkie mix - Ripley, in tow. WE ARE A FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH!!
Saturday we completed our first week of training - culminating in a 3 mile walk (we actually walked 3.42 miles, but hey, who's counting!!) Let me tell you, my body hates me - I am stiff and sore - and really stiff and really sore. During the 3 mile walk I tripped and fell flat on my face - I bruised my ego, banged up my left knee and elbow, and twisted the right knee. BUT, I got back up and I finished that walk. AND tonight I will be back on the streets again, pounding the pavement, prepping for that 13.1 mile walk.
I will finish this program and walk that damn half marathon!!!
It will be worth it. I know it will. Even it if is extreme!
(P.S. if you are interested in training with us for the Half Marathon, drop me a line! We walk every scheduled night at 9:00 pm...the more the merrier!)
ALSO, check out my good friend Erin - she is rocking it on her Couch to 5K program!!! GO ERIN!!!
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Saturday, August 4, 2012 - Accountability
WEIGH IN
415.6 lbs.
-9.4 lbs.
(people, I had worked my way back to 425, so this was a great first week back on track)
NUTRITION
Some not so great moments nutritionally today - yes, I ate freaking Doritos for Breakfast, and YES, I consumed 2 Slurpees. UGH! Improvement and moderation needed there!
EXERCISE
3.42 Mile Walk
1 hr. 13 Min.
21:43 Pace
Thursday, August 2, 2012
EYE OF THE TIGER
The last few days have been good. REALLY GOOD. My new boss at work isn't a troll or an ogre, I've watched a TON of Olympic events on TV (Go Team USA!!) and screamed until my lungs burned and my throat was hoarse, AND I have done really well on my health journey. I have the Eye of the Tiger!! OH YEAH.
I have tracked my points and easily stayed within or below my calorie target every day this week (starting on Monday). I have exercised each of the last five days - even though my body is pretty much at war with me and is very hostile toward my efforts.
It feels GREAT.
OH HOW I WISH I COULD RECORD THIS FEELING AND PLAY IT BACK WHEN TIMES ARE TOUGH SO I COULD BE REMINDED OF HOW WORTH IT IT ALL IS.
My body is starting to crave the right foods again, instead of all the wrong ones. Water tastes so dang refreshing, and my Coke cravings are nearly gone.
{{SIGH OF RELIEF}}
I am thrilled to be back on track. I am ecstatic to be once again focused on and working toward what I consider to be one of the most important goals of my life.
It feels FANTASTIC.
I have also realized that there are a few things I need to avoid like the plague if I truly want to stay on track:
CHIPS - Look, I try to tell myself I can eat the right portion, but I can't. I CANNOT. I will continue to eat, and eat, and eat until before I know it, I have consumed the entire bag. They cannot be in my house. THEY CANNOT.
COCA COLA- I cannot touch the stuff. EVER. If I do, I am immediately spiraled into bad habits - it is my Kryptonite.
EATING OUT - Although one day I hope to be able to learn to be moderate when eating out, right now I just have to admit it isn't possible. Even if I make good choices the first time out, what happens is I start to go back over and over and over. And on the subsequent visits, I do not choose wisely.
In addition to those things I have realized I must avoid, I have also found AND remembered things that really do help me stay on track and stay focused:
TRACKING: Yes, it is a pain, and no, I don't like to do it...but it really is necessary. It is like balancing a checkbook, if you never do it, you will most definitely overspend. If I don't track, I will definitely overeat.
FRUIT: Having fruit readily available is an absolute must for me. I am so much more satisfied if I finish off a meal with a piece of fruit. AND, a piece of fruit as part of a snack...well, fuggedaboutit. Today I was so desperate for fruit that I went to a local produce stand AND Walmart during my lunch period so I could have some at the office with my lunch and snack (I had run out of fruit and was seriously crazed that I wasn't going to be satisfied and would go on a binge).
A KICK A** TASTING LIGHT MEAL - There is seriously nothing so gratifying to me as having a fantastic meal, that is on program. I walk away thinking - WHY DO I EVER EAT OUT OR OFF PROGRAM. This tastes so good! Tonight we had Angus Burgers. Now, at first I was like, this may be too much, but it wasn't. I had the burger, sans cheese, with light mayo, mustard, ketchup, lettuce, tomato, pickles, onion and a toasted fresh baked bun. SERIOUSLY, IT WAS AMAZING. On the side I had fresh picked grilled sweet corn with a pat of butter, salt and pepper on it. OH, HEAVEN.
QUAKER QUAKES - I have no idea how I didn't know about these things before. They are divine! They are a satisfying and filling snack and I love them! The chocolate, sweet chili, and sea salt and black pepper are my faves.
I am feeling so good about it is hard to imagine I could ever fall back down...but, as we all know, I certainly can...so I'm trying to remember that and not take my current few days of success for granted!
I'm also singing, RISIN' UP, BACK ON THE STREET....EYE OF THE TIGER!!!
___________________________________________________________________________________
I want to start doing a daily "accountability" on this blog. So, here are my 'STATS' today:
NUTRITION: Fully tracked and on target to be right at or slightly below my daily goal.
BREAKFAST: Skipped - not on purpose, I was just so busy!!
LUNCH: Healthy Choice Italian Sausage Pasta Bake, Salad with croutons and 2T. light ranch, 1 pink lady apple (YUM)
SNACKS: Clif Bar - White Chocolate Macadamia (meant for breakfast); Medium Pina Colada Slurpee (OK, this isn't the most nutritional snack, I get that, but I have to have a little something every once in a while. It did only have 175 calories!!)
DINNER: Fantastic Hamburger dinner described above!!
WORKOUT: Today is my rest day. Thank goodness. I really needed a break.
I have tracked my points and easily stayed within or below my calorie target every day this week (starting on Monday). I have exercised each of the last five days - even though my body is pretty much at war with me and is very hostile toward my efforts.
It feels GREAT.
OH HOW I WISH I COULD RECORD THIS FEELING AND PLAY IT BACK WHEN TIMES ARE TOUGH SO I COULD BE REMINDED OF HOW WORTH IT IT ALL IS.
My body is starting to crave the right foods again, instead of all the wrong ones. Water tastes so dang refreshing, and my Coke cravings are nearly gone.
{{SIGH OF RELIEF}}
I am thrilled to be back on track. I am ecstatic to be once again focused on and working toward what I consider to be one of the most important goals of my life.
It feels FANTASTIC.
I have also realized that there are a few things I need to avoid like the plague if I truly want to stay on track:
CHIPS - Look, I try to tell myself I can eat the right portion, but I can't. I CANNOT. I will continue to eat, and eat, and eat until before I know it, I have consumed the entire bag. They cannot be in my house. THEY CANNOT.
COCA COLA- I cannot touch the stuff. EVER. If I do, I am immediately spiraled into bad habits - it is my Kryptonite.
EATING OUT - Although one day I hope to be able to learn to be moderate when eating out, right now I just have to admit it isn't possible. Even if I make good choices the first time out, what happens is I start to go back over and over and over. And on the subsequent visits, I do not choose wisely.
In addition to those things I have realized I must avoid, I have also found AND remembered things that really do help me stay on track and stay focused:
TRACKING: Yes, it is a pain, and no, I don't like to do it...but it really is necessary. It is like balancing a checkbook, if you never do it, you will most definitely overspend. If I don't track, I will definitely overeat.
FRUIT: Having fruit readily available is an absolute must for me. I am so much more satisfied if I finish off a meal with a piece of fruit. AND, a piece of fruit as part of a snack...well, fuggedaboutit. Today I was so desperate for fruit that I went to a local produce stand AND Walmart during my lunch period so I could have some at the office with my lunch and snack (I had run out of fruit and was seriously crazed that I wasn't going to be satisfied and would go on a binge).
A KICK A** TASTING LIGHT MEAL - There is seriously nothing so gratifying to me as having a fantastic meal, that is on program. I walk away thinking - WHY DO I EVER EAT OUT OR OFF PROGRAM. This tastes so good! Tonight we had Angus Burgers. Now, at first I was like, this may be too much, but it wasn't. I had the burger, sans cheese, with light mayo, mustard, ketchup, lettuce, tomato, pickles, onion and a toasted fresh baked bun. SERIOUSLY, IT WAS AMAZING. On the side I had fresh picked grilled sweet corn with a pat of butter, salt and pepper on it. OH, HEAVEN.
QUAKER QUAKES - I have no idea how I didn't know about these things before. They are divine! They are a satisfying and filling snack and I love them! The chocolate, sweet chili, and sea salt and black pepper are my faves.
I am feeling so good about it is hard to imagine I could ever fall back down...but, as we all know, I certainly can...so I'm trying to remember that and not take my current few days of success for granted!
I'm also singing, RISIN' UP, BACK ON THE STREET....EYE OF THE TIGER!!!
___________________________________________________________________________________
I want to start doing a daily "accountability" on this blog. So, here are my 'STATS' today:
NUTRITION: Fully tracked and on target to be right at or slightly below my daily goal.
BREAKFAST: Skipped - not on purpose, I was just so busy!!
LUNCH: Healthy Choice Italian Sausage Pasta Bake, Salad with croutons and 2T. light ranch, 1 pink lady apple (YUM)
SNACKS: Clif Bar - White Chocolate Macadamia (meant for breakfast); Medium Pina Colada Slurpee (OK, this isn't the most nutritional snack, I get that, but I have to have a little something every once in a while. It did only have 175 calories!!)
DINNER: Fantastic Hamburger dinner described above!!
WORKOUT: Today is my rest day. Thank goodness. I really needed a break.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
MY BODY HATES ME!
Yesterday my body let me know how much it hates me right now. It was punishing me. Forcing me to face the fact that I haven't been treating it so well, and so it wasn't about to treat me well when I decided I wanted it to perform for me.
I pushed my body hard over the weekend. HARD. Now, you my be thinking I went out and ran a few miles or walked many miles or even worked out at the gym like a mad woman. You would be wrong, though.
I did yard work.
Now, that may not sound like grueling exercise to anyone, but let me tell you, it was.
We pulled weeds, we trimmed bushes, we raked flower beds, we hauled loads. FOR 6 HOURS ON SATURDAY AND 4 HOURS ON SUNDAY! And all of that resulted in a massive 1000 calorie per hour burn...WHO KNEW!!!
In addition to the killer calorie burn, my yard looks AMAZING right now. AMAZING! I am so proud of all the hard work we did! BUT, my body is so, so, so sore!!! My shoulders hurt, the backs of my legs hurt, my hands hurt - pretty much everything hurts.
THEN, as if that wasn't enough, I started a training program last night (more to come on that) and so with a very tired body that was sore, exhausted and begging for rest, I hit my first day of training...and it was ugly. I felt SO sluggish and tired...my body was in complete rebellion against me. BUT, I showed it who was boss, let me tell you!
Even though I am sore, and I hurt, and I'm stiff...you know what, it feels good. It feels really good. I know that I am once again doing what my body needs me to do, and even though it is groaning a bit, it will start to cooperate soon.
Now, I didn't do great with food this weekend. You see, I felt like I was working so hard in the yard that I couldn't possibly bring myself to make any food. SOOO...I ate out three times (UGH), and we cooked once. I didn't drink Coke, which is a huge positive. Yesterday, though, I kicked my food into gear. I tracked everything I ate and stayed within my calorie range.
AND, GUESS WHAT!!! I have a secret weapon this time around, I can't tell you a lot about my weapon right now, but I KNOW I am going to be successful because I have it. My secret weapon has given me a laser like focus, and is motivating me like nothing else could. My secret weapon signed up for Spark People with me and is doing SO well - It makes me so proud and I wouldn't dream of doing anything that might take us off track! Hopefully more to come about that!
AND AND AND....The Hubs started training with me too!!!
So, all the pieces are falling back into place. THAT ALWAYS SCARES ME! I am convinced it is just the calm before the storm. BUT, I am going to try to be optimistic and see this as just the start of great success!!!
And, even though my body might hate me right now...it is going to thank me in the long run!
OH YES, IT. WILL. THANK. ME!
I pushed my body hard over the weekend. HARD. Now, you my be thinking I went out and ran a few miles or walked many miles or even worked out at the gym like a mad woman. You would be wrong, though.
I did yard work.
Now, that may not sound like grueling exercise to anyone, but let me tell you, it was.
We pulled weeds, we trimmed bushes, we raked flower beds, we hauled loads. FOR 6 HOURS ON SATURDAY AND 4 HOURS ON SUNDAY! And all of that resulted in a massive 1000 calorie per hour burn...WHO KNEW!!!
In addition to the killer calorie burn, my yard looks AMAZING right now. AMAZING! I am so proud of all the hard work we did! BUT, my body is so, so, so sore!!! My shoulders hurt, the backs of my legs hurt, my hands hurt - pretty much everything hurts.
THEN, as if that wasn't enough, I started a training program last night (more to come on that) and so with a very tired body that was sore, exhausted and begging for rest, I hit my first day of training...and it was ugly. I felt SO sluggish and tired...my body was in complete rebellion against me. BUT, I showed it who was boss, let me tell you!
Even though I am sore, and I hurt, and I'm stiff...you know what, it feels good. It feels really good. I know that I am once again doing what my body needs me to do, and even though it is groaning a bit, it will start to cooperate soon.
Now, I didn't do great with food this weekend. You see, I felt like I was working so hard in the yard that I couldn't possibly bring myself to make any food. SOOO...I ate out three times (UGH), and we cooked once. I didn't drink Coke, which is a huge positive. Yesterday, though, I kicked my food into gear. I tracked everything I ate and stayed within my calorie range.
AND, GUESS WHAT!!! I have a secret weapon this time around, I can't tell you a lot about my weapon right now, but I KNOW I am going to be successful because I have it. My secret weapon has given me a laser like focus, and is motivating me like nothing else could. My secret weapon signed up for Spark People with me and is doing SO well - It makes me so proud and I wouldn't dream of doing anything that might take us off track! Hopefully more to come about that!
AND AND AND....The Hubs started training with me too!!!
So, all the pieces are falling back into place. THAT ALWAYS SCARES ME! I am convinced it is just the calm before the storm. BUT, I am going to try to be optimistic and see this as just the start of great success!!!
And, even though my body might hate me right now...it is going to thank me in the long run!
OH YES, IT. WILL. THANK. ME!
Friday, July 27, 2012
RECALCULATING ROUTE
Last time I posted I mentioned that I have been on a detour of sorts. A detour filled with twists and turns, and few sign posts to tell me where to go - or at least not any I am paying attention to.
Over the weekend I had a realization. I realized that it was time for my detour to end. It was BEYOND time for it to end.
I realized it was time to RECALCULATE MY ROUTE.
I have been struggling with weight loss for so many years, and although I have had some victories, I have had far more failures. It is difficult. Far more difficult than I want it to be. Far more difficult than most can understand. Being obese presents a whole new set of challenges where weight loss is concerned. And being super obese makes it even harder - in fact, many statistics say it is near impossible. GREAT!
I am super obese - no secret there, I think we established that with my very first post on this blog. As much as I want to be able to say that I can overcome this, it is hard to look at my track record and believe it. It is hard to look at the plight of others in my situation and believe that anything can be done (even those with a celebrity trainer fail sometimes). IN FACT, over the years and through all of the attempted diets, exercise kicks, etc. I have just ended up getting bigger and bigger.
So, no, it isn't working. And when I try again, OF COURSE the specter of the many failures I have endured is constantly there - reminding me that I have failed, and have failed frequently. Reminding me that this attempt probably won't be any different, so why bother!!
I watch shows like Biggest Loser or Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition and see these people lose massive amounts of weight - but let's be real - They are dedicating all of their time and energy to it. They take time off work, or don't work at all, or quit their jobs. The last EMWLE I watched had a nanny available for 3 months during 'the journey'!!!
Look - I am a wife and a mother - and a working one at that! In addition, I have a home to keep - and I believe wholeheartedly that my home is my families' temple - our refuge from the world, and I'm not willing to let it go to hell. The fact is, I don't have the luxury of working out 4 hours a day, or hiring a nanny or quitting my job or letting my house go to pot. Even if I did, I would feel HORRIBLE if I did. I am not willing to sacrifice those things. So, spending 1 year dedicated to 4 hour workouts and 1500 calorie diets just isn't in my future.
IT IS NOT IN MY FUTURE.
I am also unwilling to spend one more dollar of mine or my husband's hard earned money on a weight loss program. I have tried them all!!! Jenny Craig - CHECK, Weight Watchers - CHECK, Atkins - CHECK, Suzanne Somers - CHECK, Nutrisystem - CHECK, The Diet Center - CHECK, LA Weight Loss - CHECK. The reality is they are businesses designed to make money. AND, their success rate - ABYSSMAL. I am not saying that those programs are bad, or that they don't work. I'm saying that the failure rate for participants is HUGE. AND, I have failed at every single one of them. So, no, I am not going back to any of them. I won't give our money away any more.
Ok, so I know what I am willing to do and what I am not willing to do. So, again, what will make another attempt at weight loss different??
I DON'T KNOW!!! I have no freaking idea.
But what I can say, is that I am not willing to quit trying. Honestly, I may try and fail a million times...I may get to the end of my life and never reach this goal. BUT, I will never stop trying. And at least I will be able to say that I never gave up.
I AM TRYING. And for the moment, I am back on course.
Will I get off course again? ODDS ARE I WILL
Will I make a wrong turn? MY HISTORY SAYS I WILL
BUT, I won't stop trying.
So, I guess what I want you to know is that this blog may never be about me actually reaching my goal....I desperately hope so, but I can't guarantee it.
What I can guarantee is this...this blog will document a journey - a spirit that refuses to give up. It will be HONEST and document the FIGHT, the STRUGGLE, the UPS and DOWNS, the FAILURES and SUCCESSES.
Period.
I hope that is enough to keep you interested. If not, I understand. There are blogs out there with fantastic success stories - I read many of them, some are my absolute favorites. RUNS FOR COOKIES - ADORE!
This blog may never be that kind of success story - BUT, it will tell a story - a valuable one at that. It will be my story - the good, the bad and the ugly.
RECALCULATING ROUTE!!!!
Over the weekend I had a realization. I realized that it was time for my detour to end. It was BEYOND time for it to end.
I realized it was time to RECALCULATE MY ROUTE.
I have been struggling with weight loss for so many years, and although I have had some victories, I have had far more failures. It is difficult. Far more difficult than I want it to be. Far more difficult than most can understand. Being obese presents a whole new set of challenges where weight loss is concerned. And being super obese makes it even harder - in fact, many statistics say it is near impossible. GREAT!
I am super obese - no secret there, I think we established that with my very first post on this blog. As much as I want to be able to say that I can overcome this, it is hard to look at my track record and believe it. It is hard to look at the plight of others in my situation and believe that anything can be done (even those with a celebrity trainer fail sometimes). IN FACT, over the years and through all of the attempted diets, exercise kicks, etc. I have just ended up getting bigger and bigger.
So, no, it isn't working. And when I try again, OF COURSE the specter of the many failures I have endured is constantly there - reminding me that I have failed, and have failed frequently. Reminding me that this attempt probably won't be any different, so why bother!!
I watch shows like Biggest Loser or Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition and see these people lose massive amounts of weight - but let's be real - They are dedicating all of their time and energy to it. They take time off work, or don't work at all, or quit their jobs. The last EMWLE I watched had a nanny available for 3 months during 'the journey'!!!
Look - I am a wife and a mother - and a working one at that! In addition, I have a home to keep - and I believe wholeheartedly that my home is my families' temple - our refuge from the world, and I'm not willing to let it go to hell. The fact is, I don't have the luxury of working out 4 hours a day, or hiring a nanny or quitting my job or letting my house go to pot. Even if I did, I would feel HORRIBLE if I did. I am not willing to sacrifice those things. So, spending 1 year dedicated to 4 hour workouts and 1500 calorie diets just isn't in my future.
IT IS NOT IN MY FUTURE.
I am also unwilling to spend one more dollar of mine or my husband's hard earned money on a weight loss program. I have tried them all!!! Jenny Craig - CHECK, Weight Watchers - CHECK, Atkins - CHECK, Suzanne Somers - CHECK, Nutrisystem - CHECK, The Diet Center - CHECK, LA Weight Loss - CHECK. The reality is they are businesses designed to make money. AND, their success rate - ABYSSMAL. I am not saying that those programs are bad, or that they don't work. I'm saying that the failure rate for participants is HUGE. AND, I have failed at every single one of them. So, no, I am not going back to any of them. I won't give our money away any more.
Ok, so I know what I am willing to do and what I am not willing to do. So, again, what will make another attempt at weight loss different??
I DON'T KNOW!!! I have no freaking idea.
But what I can say, is that I am not willing to quit trying. Honestly, I may try and fail a million times...I may get to the end of my life and never reach this goal. BUT, I will never stop trying. And at least I will be able to say that I never gave up.
- So, I am recalculating my route. I am getting back on track.
- Wednesday night I hit the gym, Thursday morning too. (It was sad, friends, sad. BUT, I did it. I walked slow, and I sweated like I was running a marathon - while in reality I was whopping at the breakneck speed of 2.4 on the treadmill, but I did it!)
- I haven't had Coke to drink since Tuesday. (Oh, the headaches)
- I cooked dinner at home yesterday and the day before. (Did I cook light, no, but I did cook at home and that is a huge step)
- I brought my lunch to work today.
I AM TRYING. And for the moment, I am back on course.
Will I get off course again? ODDS ARE I WILL
Will I make a wrong turn? MY HISTORY SAYS I WILL
BUT, I won't stop trying.
So, I guess what I want you to know is that this blog may never be about me actually reaching my goal....I desperately hope so, but I can't guarantee it.
What I can guarantee is this...this blog will document a journey - a spirit that refuses to give up. It will be HONEST and document the FIGHT, the STRUGGLE, the UPS and DOWNS, the FAILURES and SUCCESSES.
Period.
I hope that is enough to keep you interested. If not, I understand. There are blogs out there with fantastic success stories - I read many of them, some are my absolute favorites. RUNS FOR COOKIES - ADORE!
This blog may never be that kind of success story - BUT, it will tell a story - a valuable one at that. It will be my story - the good, the bad and the ugly.
RECALCULATING ROUTE!!!!
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