10 MORE FACTOIDS ABOUT LITTLE OLE ME

A while back I started to post a 25 THINGS ABOUT ME YOU NEVER WANTED TO KNOW series...and then never finished it.

BOO ME!

I like those kinds of posts, so today I am going to add the next 10.  Just in case you forgot, or heaven forbid - did not read my first post, go back and check out the first 10 I posted.  Here are the next TEN THINGS YOU NEVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT ME, AND MAY EVEN REGRET ONCE YOU DO!!!!

1. I have a completely irrational fear (I think I start a lot of these little nuggets of truth about me that way!!! I definitely need to get my butt into a therapist) of...wait for it...MANATEES!  I hate them.  Gentle cow of the sea MY A**!  The other day somebody on Facebook posted an aerial picture of a woman swimming among a herd of manatee - it was horrific.  I had to close it out because it was just too much to look at!
2. I am a Human Resources professional by trade.  BOY, the stories I could tell you.  Sometimes adults don't know how to be ADULT at all.  Although there are parts of being in HR I despise, there is a lot to love - and I remind myself of that every. single. day!
3. I met my husband while serving a Mormon mission in San Sebastian, Spain.  Yes, he too was a missionary.  I often tell my children that I met Daddy on a cold winter night in the North of Spain - I stepped off the train onto the platform and saw him emerge through the steam - tall, and handsome...and you know what, THAT IS TRUE!  I didn't know I would marry him immediately - in fact, at first I thought "boy, this guy is going to be a problem".  But 1 month later I JUST KNEW.  When my parents came to Spain to pick me up at the end of my time there, I told them "Hey, see that missionary - I am going to marry him".  And so I did - 3 years and 11 months later!  
4. I lived in Boston, MA for just about a year.  Why you ask?  Just because. I wanted to try something different and I had a GREAT friend who was living there and encouraged me to take the leap.  Salt Lake will always be my home -  and I was so happy to return, but I will always have a fondness in my heart for Bean Town!
5. My father died of pancreatic cancer on my 27th birthday - 4 months after I married my husband and when I was 9 weeks pregnant with my daughter.  It is the single most life changing thing I have been through. Not even becoming a wife or a mother has changed me as much as watching my father die, and dealing with the subsequent impact his death has had on my family.  I have missed my Dad every single day of my life since he passed away - and I am grateful for the knowledge that we will be reunited one day.
6. My favorite color is Black.  If you have to ask why - you need look no further than the title of this blog.  Black is the most forgiving color to a large and in charge lady like myself.  
7. I grew up on a farm and spent most of my summers working on it with my little sister and my Dad.  I moved irrigation pipe, helped shear sheep, rolled hay bales, and just about anything else my Dad needed help with.  At the time I hated every minute of it - now I am so grateful that I had that opportunity.  It taught me the value of hard work, and of course left me with many fond memories of my Dad.
8. While living in Spain I became very fluent in Castillian Spanish.  In fact, I had a roommate who spoke nothing but Spanish and after living with her for 2 months, I thought, dreamed and lived in Spanish.  In fact, at one point I tried to read a sign that was posted on a statue by my apartment.  For the life of me I could not figure out what it said - I felt very sheepish when I realized that the sign was in English.   I just didn't think in English any more!  Now a days I no longer consider myself fluent - but give me 2 weeks immersed in a Spanish speaking country and I will be back on my game!
9.  I hate to cook.  DESPISE IT.  My dream is to hire a personal chef so I never have to set foot in the kitchen again!  
10. I am proud to belong to the Mormon faith.  There are many, many reasons why - I could never list them all here...but I will shout out just a few: I love its focus on family as an eternal unit, and the supreme importance of family in this life, and the life to come. It provides me with the knowledge that I have a loving Heavenly Father AND a loving Heavenly Mother who know me by name and who want me to have all that they do - just like ANY loving parents here would want for their children!  It has taught  me where we came from, why we are here, what our purpose is, and where we are going when we leave this life...and that knowledge has brought me more comfort than I can say during some of the most difficult times in my life. NO, I don't drink coffee or tea, don't drink alcohol and don't believe in pre-marital sex - and I'm dang proud of it.  And, yes, I wear garments and cannot for the life of me understand the fascination with them - MANY religions have sacred clothing they wear  - we are no different. There is a lot of misinformation and a lot of misconceptions out there about the LDS faith - and in some cases a whole lot of hostility towards the church - and that just makes me plain sad.  There are so many wonderful things about this church! Sure, there are some bad apples in the church - but there are bad apples in every organization under the sun!!! You don't throw the whole bushel out because of a few bad apples!!  One HUGE pet peeve of mine is when people want to learn about the Mormon church and  go to anti-Mormon sources or ex-mormons to get the "scoop". If you want to know the scoop, ask a practicing Mormon!  ANYWAY, I am a proud member of my church and just thought you should know!!!

So, there are 10 more things you never wanted to know about me!  5 more to go!

Weight loss journey update coming soon!

LIFE MAKES ME TIRED

Sometimes life just makes me tired.

Really tired.

And right now, Life has kicked it into high gear and I feel down right narcoleptic.

This week my girls started back to school.  Back to school is an incredibly stressful and frustrating time for me.  Most parents are jumping with joy, welcoming the return of schedules and normalcy to their lives.  The boredom of the summer is over, replaced with classwork and friends and purpose!

Me, on the other hand, I am trying to figure out if I can sell the story that we are American Gypsies and we are pulling our daughters from school because - HEY - they need to be learning to cook and clean so they can prepare themselves for a life of servitude to undeserving men who will never appreciate all they do...

OK, I think my feminism might show through a little too much for me to effectively sell that story!

Anyway, point being, back to school is incredibly stressful for me, and here's why:

The school my kids attend, although wonderful in many aspects, is completely incompatible with the schedules of working parents.  The start and end times make it impossible to effectively get my kids to and from school without begging for help from other parents - who, let's face it, have their own set of problems to deal with (please know there are those who have extended their help to me and I appreciate them more than I could ever say)!  Overall, it just makes me feel crappy that I can't do for my kids what I should be able to for them - for my reason for living, the most important thing in my life - and I can't EFFING GET THEM TO SCHOOL BECAUSE IT STARTS 25 MINUTES LATER THAN IS COMPATIBLE WITH MY WORK SCHEDULE!  25 MINUTES IS DESTROYING MY SANITY RIGHT NOW!!!

Yes, I could have them walk to and from school - but the town I live in has provided NO safe walkways for children.  There are no sidewalks to the school and so the children walk ON the road or in the gravel NEXT to the road.  They did attempt to install a walkway made of asphalt - but they ran it down the side of the road where the children would have to cross MULTIPLE streets - without the assistance of a crossing guard, instead of running it down the other side of the road where that would not be an issue.  AND SO, last year a child was hit by a car on this supposed "safe walkway".

Oh yeah, and then there is the whole PEDOPHILE thing that every parent in America worries about - that some disgusting, perverted human being is stalking their kids, waiting for the opportunity to grab them from the so called "safe walkway".

There are no before or after school programs to help ease the burden (even though many other schools and districts in the area have implemented similar programs)...and I'm sure that inquiring about the possibility of getting something in place will be met with a lot of excuses (mainly financial) as to why it can't happen.

And all of this combined with a very high maintenance parent who, although I love very much, I am tired of dealing with, stressful in-law relationships, maintaining a household, being an active member of my church, going to work everyday - and oh yeah, that roller coaster I am on called weight loss - and you have the making of a VERY tiring life situation.

And so, today, I feel tired and worn out from it all.

So, how did I deal with it?

Not well.  Not well at all.

Today I snapped like a twig, drove to the local McDonald's and drowned my sorrows in a quarter pounder, a large fry and the biggest Coke they could provide me.

And sadly, I feel better.

Yes - it is only temporary relief - but right now, I'll take it.

Look, if you are thinking "Come on, you  have so many blessings" - you would be right - but today I can't see the forest through the trees.

AND, if you are reading this and saying "food isn't the answer", you would be right too...but when food has been your comfort - the thing you have fled to for 18 years to make it all go away - finding a different answer is far harder than you might imagine.

What I know is this.

Life makes us all tired sometimes.  And when we are tired, we don't always deal with things the best way possible - and that's OK.

A good nights sleep will change perspective and make all the difference.  So here is to the best damn sleep ever - tomorrow is a new day.

WEIGH IN: Saturday, August 25, 2012

My weigh in is complete:

 

404.2 lbs.

-0.8 lbs.

 

I must admit I was a little disappointed.  I'm sure my weekend in Wendover, UT with 2 visits to the buffet did not help the situation...BUT, overall, I am glad the number is still moving in the right direction. 

 

I AM MOMENTS FROM BREAKING THAT DAMN 400 LBS. MILESTONE, AND COME HELL OR HIGHWATER, IT WILL HAPPEN!!!

HAVE A LITTLE FAITH

A few years ago the Hubs and I went to a concert at a wonderful outdoor amphitheater here in the Salt Lake area.  The performer was John Hiatt. I had recently fallen in love with his music after hearing it on the movie "Raising Helen", and I was beyond excited to see him perform.

I hadn't spent much time getting to know Mr. Hiatt's music, so I was surprised to find out that he was the writer of MANY songs that I truly loved.  One of them was 'Have a Little Faith'.

The night we saw him in concert it was HOT - I mean blazing hot.  The first two-thirds of the concert were nearly unbearable - we were frying, and melting, and languishing.  But, finally the sun fell behind the mountains, and it started to cool just a bit - and a fantastic summer breeze started to blow through the amphitheater.

It was then that Mr. Hiatt performed 'Have a Little Faith'.

He performed the song without any back up - just him and his piano.  Besides his singing, there were no other noises except the rustling of the leaves on the trees from the fantastic summer breeze that had just found our little neck of the woods.  No kids crying, no noise from the crowd, no sound from the parking lot - just John Hiatt.

It was a spiritual experience.  There is no other way to describe it.  The absolute peace and beauty of that moment was overwhelming and by the end of the song I had tears running down my face.

The Hubs and I often talk about that concert and John Hiatt's performance of 'Have a Little Faith'.  We remember it fondly - it is one of those moments in our lives together that we will never forget.  It changes us a little.

Last night as I struggled with frustrations and irritations and ultimately with the desire to eat away my emotions, that experience popped into my head - that peaceful, beautiful rendition of 'Have a Little Faith'.

I realized that the memory of that moment was coming to me as a gentle reminder that I need to Have a Little Faith.

Faith in myself that I can make the right choices - even when it feels like I can't.

Faith that if I will block out the unnecessary noise of the day, I will hear the beautiful message that is being carried to me.

Faith that, just like the hot, blazing sun sank behind the mountains, all of these frustrations and irritations will too sink and the heat will pass and the cool breeze will start to blow - and everything will be OK.  Everything will be OK.

Faith that there is someone out there who is my BIGGEST supporter, and he has no intention of letting me fail, if I will just let him walk with me - and listen when he reminds me to Have a Little Faith.

So, today I have a new perspective.

TODAY I HAVE A LITTLE FAITH.

YOU KNOW IT'S BAD WHEN MCDONALD'S IS THE SOLUTION!!

There are days, like today, when all I want to do is drive to the local McDonald's and down a fattening, greasy, bad for me Big Mac, or Quarter Pounder with a SUPER SIZED fry, Coke, Shake...I could go on and on.

Bottom line, I want to eat to drown my sorrows...eat to make the irritation and frustration I feel today go away.

MY DESIRE TO EMOTIONALLY EAT TONIGHT IS OVERWHELMING!

Do I know what the trigger is - definitely - knowing what the trigger is almost makes it worse because there is absolutely nothing I can do to change it...and that frustrates me more than anything else.

I feel trapped.

I feel like I don't have choices.

And that, that makes me feel CRAZY...

...and then all I want is to eat something.  Something that, for me, will make it feel all better - if only for a few minutes.

SOMETHING LIKE MCDONALD'S!

Right now, those few minutes of relief sound like bliss -  bliss in a cardboard box!

BUT...I have resisted the urge.

Instead, I am living it up with a huge Diet Pepsi and some Quaker Quakes:  Sweet Chili.  It isn't a hamburger or fries, but it is keeping me from going insane AND keeping me in my calorie range today.

Really, I should have turned to exercise to deal with my frustration - but seriously, tonight, the thought of rolling over to the swimming pool and hauling my ample frame up and down its length held no appeal for me...NONE AT ALL.  That probably means I REALLY needed to go tonight - but I didn't.

And you know what, right now I don't care.  I DON'T CARE ONE LITTLE BIT.

Instead of working out do you know what I did??? I curled my hair - curled my hair to try and take the edge off.

YES, YOU READ THAT RIGHT. I skulked into my room, turned on my flat iron and started curling away.

You may remember that I have this hair goal (unrealistic as it may be) and my hair has finally gotten long enough that I can curl it. Tonight was my first attempt - it wasn't great, but it took my mind off things for a while.  I did try to take a picture of it to post - but that didn't go well and ended up depressing me even more.

{{SIGH}}

I throw a really good pity party.

Anyway, I am going to consider the action of lifting the flat iron to my head, winding my hair around it and holding it there strength training for my arms.

Yeah, that sounds good - tonight I worked my arms instead of going to the pool.

NOTHING WRONG WITH A LITTLE SPIN DOCTORING, RIGHT!

I REALLY hope tomorrow is a better day.  I need it to be a better day.  McDonald's can't feel like the solution again tomorrow!  I don't have the willpower to deal with it again!

August 20, 2012 - Accountability

NUTRITION

Although I am staying within my calories, I am still struggling to eat truly healthy foods.  I need to turn that corner.  I'm happy that I am consistently staying within my calories, but realize I need to take it to the next level.

EXERCISE

Lap Swimming

35 minutes

This was a GREAT workout.  It can be deceptive when you are in the water because you don't feel as hot and sweaty as if you are walking or running, but it is definitely a great workout.  My arms and legs were BURNING and at one point I reached up to feel my face, and it was ON FIRE.  I didn't stop swimming for 35 minutes and I feel awesome about the workout I got in.

Back to marathon training on Wednesday!

WEIGH IN - August 18, 2012

WEIGH IN

Last Weigh In:  411.4

Today's Weigh In:  405.0

Total Change:  -6.4 lbs.

Oh Yeah Baby!  How Sweet It is!

LIGHTING THE FIRE

For a very long time I have wanted to do a weekly post on people, places, products - ANYTHING that inspires or helps me to stay on course.  Those things that light a fire under me and keep me going.  Today I am finally turning my vision into reality!

This week, these are the things that LIT MY FIRE!!!

JONATHAN on Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition.  Weighing in at 543 lbs. at the beginning of his journey, Jonathan lost an AMAZING 270 lbs. in one year - while working full time AND being a dedicated husband and father.  The support that his family gave him was a  thing of beauty (seriously, those little boys coaching and training their Daddy...too cute).  Jonathan's story made me believe that ANYTHING is possible, regardless of what others may say.  THANKS JONATHAN!

I can't live without these...I bought them on a 10 for 10 deal at the local supermarket and have been loving them ever since.  So many flavors to choose from - the Sweet Chili are my current favorite savory snack - the Chocolate are my current favorite sweet snack.  YUM!

HOLLY @ 300 POUNDS DOWN.  Holly's story is amazing - it is the story of a woman who fought through pain, disappointment, anxiety and depression to become the woman she KNEW was there inside.  I respect the hell out of her for making the decision to do whatever it took to get healthy - to be there for her kids, and to survive.  Her blog is fantastic and when I need a boost, I always get it there!

In honor of the four year anniversary of her life changing plane crash, I would be remiss if I did not include Stephanie Nielson this week.  This post sums it up for me: Life goes on - and it is beautiful.  God will heal us -  if we let him - through him ANYTHING is possible.  She is a constant reminder to me of the beauty of life and the amazing love and power of our Heavenly Parents!

This site, and it the app, are to die for. I know there are other similar programs out there - I have probably tried them - but this is the one I have found to be the easiest to work with.  I love it!  If you use this app, friend me!!!  Especially if you are in my area and have great routes you want to share!

And of course, these wackadoos ALWAYS inspire me. They are my EVERYTHING!

Fall 2011

A VISIT TO THE DOCTOR - AND OTHER THOUGHTS

After trying to utilize WebMD and other online medical sites to diagnose and treat my Achilles Tendon (with no luck), I broke down yesterday and went to the doctor.

My diagnosis was spot on:  Achilles Tendinitis.

The doctor prescribed me a megadose run of steroids to knock out the inflammation, daily exercises to stretch my calf and strengthen the tendon AND...YEP, no walking for 1 week.

NO WALKING FOR 1 WEEK WHILE I'M TRAINING FOR A HALF MARATHON!!!!!
(Look, it never gets old saying I am training for a half marathon!)

I explained to the doctor about the half marathon - she thought that was fantastic - and we discussed other exercise options that wouldn't aggravate my tendon.  I settled on swimming.

Swimming will allow me to burn calories, stay on track with my workout regimen AND strengthen my legs.  So, I am not totally worried about this set back on my training program because, bottom line, if I don't get this tendon issue taken care of, I won't be walking a half marathon - and no amount of training will change that!

I started my prednisone treatment today, and seriously, I don't know if it is psychological or what, but my tendon felt so much better by mid day!  I was able to walk without limping, and I had to give 2 presentations at work today and was able to stand without it really bothering me.

PROGRESS!!! I am really hopeful this will work and I will be back on track for the Halloween Half.
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In other news, tonight we had an in-home demonstration of SaladMasters cookware. The sales representative comes to your house and cooks you a full meal using their product.  Our meal tonight was chicken thighs, a vegetable medley, cabbage salad, mashed potatoes and pineapple upside down cake. It all tasted wonderful - especially the chicken, which was cooked without any oil or water...just chicken and a pan.

Has anyone out there heard of it SaladMasters or used it before??  We thought it was awesome,  BUT, all that awesomeness comes with a not so awesome price tag.  We had to pass right now, but it is definitely something we would consider in the future.
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Final thought today - earlier this week spent some time catching up on Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition - I am so addicted to this show!  Anyway, the episode that aired on 08/05 with Jonathan - who lost an amazing 270 lbs in one year - moved me to tears.  I couldn't take it.  What a story!  If you haven't seen it, you should definitely watch it.  His transformation is amazing. At the end of the episode I wanted to scream from the rooftops - THIS IS POSSIBLE!  I CAN DO THIS!

I think Extreme Makeover is SO much better than Biggest Loser  CAUTION, CAUTION, RANT BEGINNING - Biggest Loser, in my opinion, takes a life and death struggle - some may even call it a disease - and turns it into a game.  Consider this, if Biggest Loser replaced obese participants with participants suffering from cancer, or multiple sclerosis, or AIDS and had them compete for a chance to be cured - but most would be sent home, never getting the help they needed - systematically voted off by their co-participants who are trying to win a cash prize...well, I'm pretty sure it would be universally condemned as completely BARBARIC.  I refuse to watch it any more! RANT ENDED.
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Overall I am feeling really good this week - focused and in the zone.  No, every bite of food that I put in my mouth is not nutritionally perfect, but I am managing my portion size AND my calorie intake - and that is a huge accomplishment.  I am also getting regular workouts in, despite physical challenges, and that is pretty awesome too!

ONWARD!

Wednesday, August 15, 2012 - ACCOUNTABILITY

NUTRITION

Great calorie wise (overall).  I had a huge lunch, but it was oh so worth it.  Adobos, Sandy, UT - If you haven't been, you MUST go!  The Ropa Vieja and Tostones are to DIE FOR!  Wow, I am so totally a food addict!  UGH!

EXERCISE

Swimming

33 minutes

I have no idea how many laps I did...I just know I swam up and down for 33 minutes - and my legs felt like they were going to fall off!  Seriously, what a burn!

Tuesday, August 14, 2012 - ACCOUNTABILITY

NUTRITION

During the week, it is really my goal to stay at 1800 calories - I went over a bit today, but I still consider the day a success.  OK, yeah, I could have skipped the Nacho Cheese Doritos, but you know what, I like being able to build that kind of stuff in sometimes.  I makes me feel like - yeah, you can have stuff like that sometimes (as long as it is a small bag and there isn't any possibility I could eat more than the serving given - a large bag in my home will be consumed in the blink of an eye).

EXERCISE

WALKING

1.6 MILES

35 MINUTES

21:55 MILE/MIN PACE

The pace here was MUCH slower than I wanted it to be, but that has a lot to do with this darn achilles tendon issue I am dealing with.  You know, SERIOUSLY, I am trying to get healthy and do the right things and I am rewarded with this issue! COME ON UNIVERSE!  HELP ME OUT!

Monday, August 13, 2012 - Accountability

NUTRITION

Breakfast & lunch were eat outs - UGH.  I had a free lunch at Cafe Zupa's - it included dessert.  I was so shocked when I tracked the calories!!  It adds up so dang fast!   AND, who knows how accurate my calculations were!  BUT, I rallied and made sure to eat a light dinner to make up for the horror of breakfast and lunch!  Brought the calories in at 1826!  YAY!

EXERCISE

Back in the saddle walking.  Pretty good walk last night.  My achilles tendon is still giving me problems.  I had hoped the time off would help, but when I got back it was so sore.  This morning it was even worse.  I am going to have to break down and go to the doctor - I was hoping to avoid it, but I don't think I can any more.

DEVIATION

This last week has proven one thing to me...

DEVIATING FROM THE PLAN AND GETTING OFF TRACK IS SO EASY TO DO! SO EASY THAT IT IS ACTUALLY FRIGHTENING.

...And it usually starts with something really small - something insignificant that shouldn't be a big deal in the overall scheme of things - but at the end of the day, it really is.

Last Wednesday we had a good friend over for dinner.  We hadn't seen her in a while and so we ate and chatted.  By the time she left, we didn't have much time for exercise AND I was exhausted so I didn't end up tracking my dinner before I went to bed.

FIRST SMALL DEVIATION - DIDN'T TRACK THE DAY FULLY, DIDN'T COMPLETE EXERCISE THAT WAS PLANNED FOR THE DAY.

Then, on Thursday, I started on program and was doing fine (except I didn't really eat enough during the day).  That night my husband and I went out - we had planned to grab dinner (a healthy dinner), but ended up having to wait until later.  By the time we were able to eat it was 10:45 pm and nothing was open - and we were STARVING. We made poor choices (we ate at Beto's - a local Mexican joint that is open 24 hours), and the next morning woke up feeling like gum on the bottom of a shoe!  And of course, it was late, and I didn't track the rest of the day, didn't post my accountability AGAIN.

SECOND SOMEWHAT BIGGER DEVIATION - DIDN'T TRACK AGAIN, ATE OUT - AT A FAST FOOD RESTAURANT!!!

Friday rolled around (TGIF, right!!!).  I was rushing in the morning and didn't grab a lunch before I left - so I ate out  AGAIN (eating out is like a fast spreading disease with me) - Brick Oven Pizza.  I had a salad, some soup and a few slices of mini pizza.  Not terrible, but, not great either. BUT IT GETS WORSE...THEN, my dear friend Rebs had free tickets to see 'The Bourne Legacy' (great movie BTW) - and those free tickets included free popcorn and free drinks - AND OF COURSE - we had to make a night of it, so we ate out too.  So, 3 eat outs in a 24 hour period AND popcorn AND a drink (I drank Diet Coke, so not terrible, but overall I am really trying to avoid soda, period).  OH YEAH - no tracking, no accountability, no exercise.

SPIRALING...
          SPIRALING...
                    SPRIALING....

THIRD MUCH LARGER DEVIATION - DIDN'T PACK LUNCH, DIDN'T TRACK, DRANK SODA, NO EXERCISE, ATE OUT - AGAIN!

On Saturday morning when I woke up I was dreading the scale, but I decided that no matter what, I was getting on.  I was SHOCKED when I stepped on and saw this:

411.2

4.4 lbs. lost

And then all I could think was "How much better would that number have been if you hadn't screwed up the last 48 hours!!!"

BUT, I determined to make the day better - I ate a good breakfast and then headed outside with the Hubs to do yard work.  We mowed the lawn, pulled weeds, planted trees.  For lunch we decided that because we had worked SO hard, of course, we should reward ourselves with an eat out.  TACO TIME!  Not good, not good at all.  I tried to choose well - I wasn't totally worried because I knew I was burning a lot of calories working in the yard - but in the end - the food I chose was CRAP, and did nothing to fuel  my body and help me get through the grueling work we were doing in the yard. That night we celebrated my brother's 50th Birthday - family BBQ - hot dogs, taco salad (a family recipe), chips, cake.  I didn't go nuts, but I also wasn't super careful.

FOURTH NOW HUGE DEVIATION - ATE OUT AGAIN, BUT THIS TIME AT A RESTAURANT THAT IS A TOTAL TRIGGER, DIDN'T TRACK, DIDN'T EXERCISE ON PLAN (YES, I GOT SOME EXERCISE IN FROM THE YARD, BUT MY HALF MARATHON TRAINING IS DOWN THE TOILET RIGHT NOW)

BUT, the point here is...AN ALCOHOLIC DOESN'T GO OUT AND TAKE A SIP OF ALCOHOL WHEN THEY ARE GETTING CLEAN - AND STAYING CLEAN...AND I SHOULD NOT BE EATING ANY OF THIS STUFF WHILE I AM TRYING TO GET HEALTHY - AND STAY HEALTHY!!!

Sunday played out pretty much the same - not wanting to cook, eating out, poor choices, no exercise.

FIFTH COMPLETE MELTDOWN OF PLAN - NO TRACKING, ATE OUT - TWICE, NO EXERCISE.  

DANGER - DANGER - DANGER - KABOOM!

That brings me to today.  I logged on this morning and looked at by last blog post - I was floored that my last accountability post was on TUESDAY!  How in the heck did that happen!  I couldn't believe it!

Although I realize that I have to celebrate the small victories and identify the things I do well, I also have to admit that I AM BASICALLY AN ADDICT - MY DRUG OF CHOICE - AN UNHEALTHY LIFESTYLE.  And making change means identifying triggers and staying away from them - maybe forever!!  It also means following a routine - diligently - to try to break the bad, addictive behaviors that have built up over the years.

Meth addicts aren't told - Hey, it's OK to have a little meth, don't beat yourself up if you do!
Alcoholics aren't told - Hey, a little alcohol won't kill you - It's OK to have a little every once in a while.

THIS IS NOT ANY DIFFERENT.  This is an addition, and breaking it is just as difficult as breaking any other addiction.

It is not OK to let the very behaviors that have gotten me here sneak back in - it isn't OK to indulge them in anyway.  No, I can't beat myself up and I do have to pick up and move forward - but every time I indulge in these behaviors, I set myself back! CRITICALLY.

So, today is a new day - YES IT IS.

I am tracking - I will be walking tonight - I will be cooking at home this evening...and you will see an accountability post - come hell or high water!

END DEVIATION.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012 - Accountability

NUTRITION

I stayed within my calorie range, although during the week my goal is to really stay right at 1800 calories per day - so I was a little bummed about that.  My lunch was much higher in calories than I had thought, and that really got me.

Somebody brought in Salt Water Taffy at work - it is the death of me.  Every time I walk by the desk, I grab one.  UGH.  Thankfully they have all been consumed, so that should help my calorie count!!

EXERCISE

1.56 mile walk

33:23 minutes to complete

21:25 min/mile pace

The walk was good - continues to be tough for me though.  It just irks me that I am out walking at a pace that, let's face it, is pretty slow for most - and I am huffing and puffing and really having to work at it!

I have to cut 3 minute off this pace in order to be ready for the marathon!!  That makes me pretty nervous!  When I walk on a treadmill I can definitely get my pace up much faster.  Maybe I need to do some work on the treadmill to increase my pace??? I don't know!!  

I am having some trouble with my left ankle.  I completed my own diagnosis on Webmd (boy, I'm sure doctors just love to hear that) and am pretty sure that I have Achilles tendinopathy.  Before and after the walk I made sure to stretch and have been taking Ibuprofen.  I also iced it when I got home.  I really need it to stop hurting.  It is definitely slowing me down!!  It is so frustrating that when I decide to get going and get in shape, I have something stupid like this flare up!!!  BOO!

Zero Gratification Marathon

In light of my recent half marathon announcement, a good friend sent this to me...

HILARIOUS!  I wish this was the marathon I was prepping for!!!

Monday, August 6, 2012 - Accountability

NUTRITION

EXERCISE

1.42 Miles Walked

30:35 Minutes

21:26 Mile/Min Pace

LIVING IN THE EXTREMES

If you have been reading my blog for any period of time, you probably understand that I am a woman of extremes.

I swing from one extreme to the other like a big, emotional pendulum!!!

I don't tend to play in the middle very often where weight loss is concerned (or anything else for that matter).  I am either on track and gung ho, or I am off track - and eating at McDonald's every day.

Long term, I realize living in the extremes is not healthy or sustainable.  Obviously it hasn't been exactly fruitful for me either - yes, I do well for a period of time, but then I burn out...and the pendulum swings to the other extreme.

I know I will have to moderate myself if I want to make a lasting, life long change.

BUT, sometimes when I am 'in the extremes', I push myself and do things that I never thought I were possible.  HENCE, my hike to the Y.

Well, friends, in true Connie fashion, I have once again gone to the extreme!!!  I really felt like I needed something to motivate me to incorporate exercise as a key component of my current weight loss journey.

I believe strongly that my prior attempts to shed weight and get healthy have been far too focused on nutrition, and not enough on exercise. A good friend of mine is currently on her own weight loss journey, and she is REALLY kicking butt.  She started her journey SOLELY focused on exercise.  Slowly, but surely, the nutrition came along - and seriously, the weight loss has been amazing - in fact many people think she has had lap band or gastric bypass because she is shedding weight so quickly!!.   This has convinced me that exercise MUST be a priority.

So, this time around, I am trying to put a heavy focus on exercise.  AND, by put a heavy focus on exercise, I mean I signed up for a Half Marathon!!!

Yes, friends, you heard that right....I signed up for a half marathon. The Halloween Half in Provo, Utah to be exact!!!  I will not be running it....I will be walking it. This half marathon is friendly toward walkers (I really think more of them should be!!!) allowing 4 hours to complete the course (about an 18:20 minute mile pace).

Katie at Runs for Cookies (do you get tired of me referring to her???  Really, have you checked out her blog???  If not, you need to - then you will understand why I constantly refer to her) walked a half marathon BEFORE losing weight.  I decided I could do the same.

I think having this goal will help me to truly focus on the physical aspect of my journey and help me to take the next stop to getting healthy.

NOW, because I do much better when I have comrades in arms - I went ahead and signed up the Hubs AND my poor unsuspecting sister!!!  No, I did not tell them I was signing them up - this was done without their knowledge.  I JUST SIGNED THEM UP!  I didn't want to give them a chance to say "No".  LUCKILY, they both got on board and last Monday we started the Hal Higdon training program to walk a half marathon!!!

AND...now my kids, my sister's Mother in Law, and two of my nieces are training with us!!!  We also have a dachshund - Magnum, and a bichon/yorkie mix - Ripley, in tow.  WE ARE A FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH!!

Saturday we completed our first week of training - culminating in a 3 mile walk (we actually walked 3.42 miles, but hey, who's counting!!)  Let me tell you, my body hates me - I am stiff and sore - and really stiff and really sore.  During the 3 mile walk I tripped and fell flat on my face - I bruised my ego, banged up my left knee and elbow, and twisted the right knee.  BUT, I got back up and I finished that walk.  AND tonight I will be back on the streets again, pounding the pavement, prepping for that 13.1 mile walk.

I will finish this program and walk that damn half marathon!!!

It will be worth it.  I know it will.  Even it if is extreme!

(P.S.  if you are interested in training with us for the Half Marathon, drop me a line!  We walk every scheduled night at 9:00 pm...the more the merrier!)

ALSO, check out my good friend Erin - she is rocking it on her Couch to 5K program!!! GO ERIN!!!

Sunday, August 5, 2012 - Accountability

NUTRITION:

EXERCISE:

Rest Day

Saturday, August 4, 2012 - Accountability

WEIGH IN

415.6 lbs.

-9.4 lbs.

 (people, I had worked my way back to 425, so this was a great first week back on track)

NUTRITION

Some not so great moments nutritionally today - yes, I ate freaking Doritos for Breakfast, and YES, I consumed 2 Slurpees.  UGH!  Improvement and moderation needed there!

EXERCISE

3.42 Mile Walk

1 hr. 13 Min.

21:43 Pace

EYE OF THE TIGER

The last few days have been good.  REALLY GOOD.  My new boss at work isn't a troll or an ogre, I've watched a TON of Olympic events on TV (Go Team USA!!) and screamed until my lungs burned and my throat was hoarse, AND I have done really well on my health journey.  I have the Eye of the Tiger!! OH YEAH.

I have tracked my points and easily stayed within or below my calorie target every day this week (starting on Monday).  I have exercised each of the last five days - even though my body is pretty much at war with me and is very hostile toward my efforts.

It feels GREAT.

OH HOW I WISH I COULD RECORD THIS FEELING AND PLAY IT BACK WHEN TIMES ARE TOUGH SO I COULD BE REMINDED OF HOW WORTH IT IT ALL IS.

My body is starting to crave the right foods again, instead of all the wrong ones.  Water tastes so dang refreshing, and my Coke cravings are nearly gone.

{{SIGH OF RELIEF}}

I am thrilled to be back on track.  I am ecstatic to be once again focused on and working toward what I consider to be one of the most important goals of my life.

It feels FANTASTIC.

I have also realized that there are a few things I need to avoid like the plague if I truly want to stay on track:

CHIPS - Look, I try to tell myself I can eat the right portion, but I can't.  I CANNOT.  I will continue to eat, and eat, and eat until before I know it, I have consumed the entire bag.  They cannot be in my house.  THEY CANNOT.

COCA COLA- I cannot touch the stuff.  EVER.  If I do, I am immediately spiraled into bad habits - it is my Kryptonite.

EATING OUT - Although one day I hope to be able to learn to be moderate when eating out, right now I just have to admit it isn't possible.  Even if I make good choices the first time out, what happens is I start to go back over and over and over.  And on the subsequent visits, I do not choose wisely.

In addition to those things I have realized I must avoid, I have also found AND remembered things that really do help me stay on track and stay focused:

TRACKING:  Yes, it is a pain, and no, I don't like to do it...but it really is necessary.  It is like balancing a checkbook, if you never do it, you will most definitely overspend.  If I don't track, I will definitely overeat.

FRUIT:  Having fruit readily available is an absolute must for me.  I am so much more satisfied if I finish off a meal with a piece of fruit. AND, a piece of fruit as part of a snack...well, fuggedaboutit.  Today I was so desperate for fruit that I went to a local produce stand AND Walmart during my lunch period so I could have some at the office with my lunch and snack (I had run out of fruit and was seriously crazed that I wasn't going to be satisfied and would go on a binge).

A KICK A** TASTING LIGHT MEAL - There is seriously nothing so gratifying to me as having a fantastic meal, that is on program.  I walk away thinking - WHY DO I EVER EAT OUT OR OFF PROGRAM.  This tastes so good!  Tonight we had Angus Burgers.  Now, at first I was like, this may be too much, but it wasn't.  I had the burger, sans cheese, with light mayo, mustard, ketchup, lettuce, tomato, pickles, onion and a toasted fresh baked bun.  SERIOUSLY, IT WAS AMAZING.   On the side I had fresh picked grilled sweet corn with a pat of butter, salt and pepper on it.  OH, HEAVEN.

QUAKER QUAKES - I have no idea how I didn't know about these things before.  They are divine!  They are a satisfying and filling snack and I love them! The chocolate, sweet chili, and sea salt and black pepper are my faves.

I am feeling so good about it is hard to imagine I could ever fall back down...but, as we all know, I certainly can...so I'm trying to remember that and not take my current few days of success for granted!

I'm also singing, RISIN' UP, BACK ON THE STREET....EYE OF THE TIGER!!!
___________________________________________________________________________________

I want to start doing a daily "accountability" on this blog.  So, here are my 'STATS' today:

NUTRITION:  Fully tracked and on target to be right at or slightly below my daily goal.
BREAKFAST:  Skipped - not on purpose, I was just so busy!!
LUNCH:  Healthy Choice Italian Sausage Pasta Bake, Salad with croutons and 2T. light ranch, 1 pink lady apple (YUM)
SNACKS:  Clif Bar - White Chocolate Macadamia (meant for breakfast); Medium Pina Colada Slurpee (OK, this isn't the most nutritional snack, I get that, but I have to have a little something every once in a while.  It did only have 175 calories!!)
DINNER:  Fantastic Hamburger dinner described above!!
WORKOUT:  Today is my rest day. Thank goodness.  I really needed a break.