FEELINGS OF FRUSTRATION

Saturday was my weekly weigh in.  I was actually really nervous!  I realized that I just couldn't take a gain - now, I had no reason to believe I would have one, but you know, sometimes the scale is fickle - on Saturday I couldn't deal with a fickle scale!

I got up and got ready to weigh - I have to brush through my hair and make myself look semi presentable before I weigh so that if it goes bad I can still look in the mirror and see something less than horrific and feel even worse about the situation.  I stepped on the scale and was thrilled to see a 6.5 lbs. loss for the week!  I was very, very pleased!

Although I had a great weigh in, this weekend I really did start to have feelings of being overwhelmed by the amount of weight I have to lose.  It is daunting at times, and even though I have chipped away 18 lbs. so far since January 26, it doesn't feel like progress.  I have lost and regained this 18 lbs. so many times over the last 2 years it isn't even funny.  I am trying really hard to banish these feelings of  "I can't do this", or "I will never reach my goal", but they are hanging on right now, tightly.  I haven't felt the need to emotion eat, and I am really grateful about that, but overall I am feeling down about things right now.

This weekend was a "long" weekend - we all had Monday off for President's Day.  I did really well on Saturday and Sunday - tracked everything, stayed within my calorie limits, drank all my water.  Monday I still tracked and got all my water in, but I went over my calorie limit.  It is the first time since I started, so I feel pretty good about that.  Chris and I went out on a "date" to the movies and dinner afterward.  It is HARD to do dinner and a movie and not rack up a million calories - especially when you are going to Longhorn Steakhouse (delicious, by the way! - next time I will order off their 500 calorie menu).  The problem was that we did it sort of spur of the moment, which meant I hadn't really planned for it throughout the day and didn't have enough calories left for a meal like that!  HOWEVER, there were some wins and I prefer to focus on those:

1. I ordered a small popcorn with no butter at the movies AND asked for an ice water.  I LOVE popcorn and I considered it a major accomplishment that I didn't go whole hog AND I didn't even get a drink!  All they had was light lemonade (I don't drink carbonated beverages any more) and it actually messes with my throat, so I just got water and I was pretty satisfied with that.  Overall, I consider my choices at the movies a win!
2. I ordered smart-ish at Longhorn.  Now, I have never been to Longhorn Steakhouse before - I had perused their menu on our way from the movie theater to the restaurant, and they had all their nutrition available (fantastic).  I was SET on eating their "Flo's Filet & Salmon" plate.  It had 710 calories, and I thought that was reasonable.  The problem was the 710 didn't count the side (I ordered vegetables) - another 90 calories I'm sure due to whatever they put on it that made it taste so magical AND a salad - 350 calories.  So, at the end of the day, it was A LOT of calories.  Now, I did ask them not to bring bread to our table (WIN) and we didn't order an appetizer (WIN), so I did some things right.  Next time I just need to either plan ahead and save calories during the day OR choose from the under 500 menu (I know, I know...I should have done that!!  I couldn't pass up the filet and salmon!!!)
3. We went out for breakfast on Saturday and Chris and I shared a meal.  I thought it was a step forward in the way we think about eating out - both financially and calorically. I thought it was a big win.

Now, things that need some attention:

FITNESS, FITNESS, FITNESS - I am still not on track with fitness.  I know that it is a cop out to say this, but I'm saying this anyway - I am struggling to find the time in my day to do this!  Yes, I watch TV and I could do it then - but I don't watch much TV, and on some days, I don't watch any.  When I get home from work it is all about make dinner, clean up from dinner, spend some time with the family, clean up a bit and go to bed again.  I know I need to make this a priority, but right now, it just isn't happening.  

I had someone at work tell me that 70% of weight loss is really attributed to what you eat - so, I know as long as I am eating well I will continue to decrease my weight, and that is good.  My concern is this - I see the enormous difference that working out makes in the way people's body's look (www.runsforcookies.com; www.poonapalooza.com) AND in the coping with some health issues like HBP, which is something I need to worry about.  So I don't want to just say "hey, I'm losing weight so it is OK that I'm not working out", I want the whole package - weight loss, a strong, healthy looking body AND a body free from medical issues! I can't get that with food alone, I just can't.

So, how do I crack this fitness nut?  Don't set my expectations of myself too high?  Start out with 1 - 2 workouts a week?  Build up as I feel ready?  That feels like the right answer.  I mean, on Saturday and Sunday, I can most definitely find the time to workout.  So, if I start there, that is 2 workouts a week!  Maybe that is where I start???  Any suggestions out there?

Overall, I am in week 4, I have lost 18 lbs., and I'm on track.  Sure, the though of having to type that same sentence over and over again for another 70 weeks or so is devastating, but it is what it is!