I SURVIVED.

Last night I was so frustrated and angry about things that as much as I would like to control, I cannot.

These are the types of feelings and emotions that typically send me into a food frenzy, and last night I felt that urge so deeply.  I wanted to eat myself better...but, I didn't.  Thanks goodness!  I didn't really do anything brave or heroic to stop myself...I holed up in my room and avoided the kitchen & pantry like the plague.

Did it work?  Why, yes, it did.

Do I think that is the healthiest way to deal with my desire to emotional eat?  No, no I do not.  I definitely need to come up with a better strategy to deal with those moments.

A lot of people would say I should workout, but honestly, I don't love working out enough at this point and I don't see it as any form of comfort.  Maybe one day in the future, but right now I swear it would make me feel even more despondent.

Today I don't feel quite the same urge to eat away my sorrows, and I am grateful for that.  The problem I was frustrated about hasn't gone away - in fact I can hear the problem loud and clear right now - but today I don't feel like compromising my health or the progress I have made to deal with it.

Other than the near tragic emotional eating episode, the rest of the day went fairly well.  I felt incredibly exhausted and worn out - Monday Blues?  I hope that is all it was.  I cooked a healthy dinner, I spent a couple of hours talking to a friend, and I finished up the night with my current favorite dessert - McDonald's ice cream.

I ended up making a baked chicken dinner last night.  I am not very savvy when it comes to baking chicken - it usually turns out pretty dry, but last night that was not the case.  I took some time to look up instructions for baking chicken, followed them to a T, and the end result was a very moist and juicy chicken breast.  I had put the chicken in a teriyaki marinade before I baked it, but it didn't end up adding very much flavor - which was disappointing.  Now I feel really motivated to find some fantastic recipes for baked chicken.  It was incredibly easy to make, and as a working mom, I am always looking for incredibly easy meals.  I have been looking on the internet today to find some good recipes, but I haven't found any I am really excited about.  Maybe I will have to come up with something on my own!  I won't hold my breath for that...but, I may dare to dream!

I am still striking out with my workout.  I have got to find a way to get it in when I first get up.  Waiting until the evening is just killing me.  My evenings are busy and it is easy to get derailed and end up skipping the workout altogether...and for the last 3 days, that has been the case.  I am hoping to turn it around today - I really want to hit my goal of 4 workouts this week!

So, last night while I was chatting with my friend we of course talked a bit about diets and weight loss.  We were talking about health issues and my friend, who is a tiny little thing, asked me how my cholesterol, bp, etc. are.  I told her that my cholesterol is very good, my BP is pre-hypertensive, and my sugars, etc. are all good.  I don't have any major health issues.  She went on to tell me that she has high cholesterol, and several medical issues that she is dealing with.  She then said that if someone looked at the two of us they would of course guess that I had the issues that she has because I am fat, and would think she had no issues be cause she is very thin.

It really bothered me and I thought about that all night.  I kept thinking about the stereotypes that fat people deal with:  inactive, lazy, unhealthy - knocking at death's door.  It really bugged me to think that when people look at me they are thinking those things.  Seriously, in case you are wondering, I work my ASS off every day to provide for my family at a job that some days I truly don't love - to make a beautiful home for them - one we can all come home to and shake off the stress of the day and relax and enjoy our time together.  During the spring and summer I work like a dog to keep my yard beautiful - I don't pay someone to do it, I get my butt out there and do it myself.  But, hey, I'm lazy, right!  So irritating!  Also, yes, I realize that being obese is unhealthy.  But the reality is I can point to 20 skinny people with health issues far more concerning and serious than anything I am dealing with.  No. I don't know how to eat healthy, but I am learning.  No. I don't know how to exercise my body, but I am learning.  But those 2 things do not make me lazy, inactive, or knocking at death's door.

I'm tired of the stereotypes.  So. Damn. Tired.  And I am tired of shows like The Biggest Loser that do nothing but perpetuate these stereotypes...don't even get me started on The Biggest Loser.  I can't go there today.  At the end of the day I wish we as human beings would quit jumping to conclusions about people or assuming we know anything about them when we don't know them at all.

Wow!  I guess I had some feelings about that!  Clearly I had to get that off my chest!

Anyway, I am still going strong.  Day 10 and still going.  PHEW!  So glad I can type that!