I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY

Last night my sister came over for a few minutes and we were chatting about our weight loss efforts.  I told her that the last month has been a real struggle - one day I'm on track, the next day I'm not - I'm all over the place.  She has also had some struggles.  We talked about what we thought were some of the reasons for our struggles, trying to understand just what is dragging us off track.  For me, I felt the following were some of the culprits:

• Summer - it makes me want to be footloose and fancy free - this applies in EVERY aspect of my life.  I don't want to be held to a housework schedule, I want to have more freedom to come and go at work AND it appears I also want to be able to eat whatever I want.  
• Road trips / Vacations / Weekenders - I really, really, really struggle to stay on track when I am going away for a vacation or weekend getaway.  I don't plan well for the road trip so instead of having healthy snacks readily available, I end up eating junk food.  I don't make good selections at restaurants either.  It just kills me.  Over the last month I have been to Moab, Lake Powell, California (we had to go to California last week due to a death in the family - we ended up driving because of short notice on the funeral arrangements.  It was a long road trip there an back!).   Being constantly on the go has thrown my routine into shamble and bottom line on this one, I just don't spend the time I need to making a plan for success.  
• Empty Nest - My kids have been staying with their grandparents for the last 3 weeks.  It has been really difficult to want to come home from work and prepare dinner without them there - so we just end up eating out.  We also have been going on a lot of 'dates' while they have been gone, and that usually entails some type of food too.  

I feel like as I type this it might sound like I am just making a lot of excuses for myself - but honestly, that is not what I am trying to do.  At work, when there is a problem, we go through what we call a Root Cause Analysis, which is designed to identify the true reason that a problem or issue is occurring.  We use a tool called a Five Why evaluation - we ask WHY over and over and over until we feel we really can't ask it anymore...

Q:  Why are you struggling to eat healthy?
Q:  Why does the Summer cause you to eat unhealthy?
Q: Why do you want to feel footloose and fancy free?
Q:  Why do road trips / vacations cause a problem?
Q:  Why don't you take the time to make a plan?  What is getting in the way?

You get the picture - we keep pushing and questioning until we feel we have gotten to the root cause - the true underlying issue. Once we FINALLY identify the root cause issue, we make action plans and implement counter measures to either mitigate the root cause, or completely eliminate it.

I feel like getting to root cause is just as important in my personal life as it is in my work life.  I need to remind myself that rather than just say "you are just making a bunch of excuses", I need to take the time to really understand and question what is going on so that I can make real, effective plans, and then implement them. Could one of the root cause issues be "I'm lazy"?  I'm sure it could be - but honestly, you can see the WHY there, right?  WHY AM I LAZY?  More often than not issues are far deeper than a vague generality like that.

ANYWAY, I'm trying to get to root cause.  Trying to figure out why this time of year, and this particular stretch of road on my weight loss journey seems to consistently give me issues.  I'm not there yet, but I'm hoping I get there.   I want to be successful navigating these bumps in the road, and right now I am struggling FAR more than I want to.  I want to have a good, solid strategy - because there is no doubt that there will be more bumps in the future on this long journey.

With that said, I recognize I need to push myself to stay on track.  If I let things backslide that IS NOT going to help me get to the root cause of my issues.  Ultimately it is just going to make it more difficult mentally, emotionally, and physically to get where I need to be.  Again, at work, doing a root cause analysis on a problem doesn't mean that we just let the problem continue unchecked until we figure out root cause.  There are times when we simply have to FORCE a solution - slap a band-aid on it - until we can get to a much smarter, more efficient solution. I have to accept that this is no different. I am going to have to FORCE a solution - slap a band-aid on - and STOP THE BLEED.  Right now, I think the band-aid is simply pushing through, no matter what - even if it feels grueling and a little miserable.  Clearly I can't maintain that long term - grueling and miserable isn't sustainable.  I  have to accept it is going to be HARD for the time being, and I need to steel up for that.  I also need to remember that if I put the work in, I can make sure it will be MUCH easier in the future.

Just writing the above paragraph makes me breath a deep, frustrated sigh - ugh.

Last night as I was talking to my sister, I also told her that I hadn't blogged in a while.  She asked me why and I told her that I just didn't know what to say, to which she responded, "JUST SAY THAT!  Say you don't know what to say - say you don't know why you are having a hard time - but don't just go radio silent."

So, here I am, saying - I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY.  I am struggling.  I am all over the place.  I have really good days, but more REALLY bad days right now.  I can't seem to get my head right.

Not very inspirational - not at at all - but it is true.