Wednesday, August 7, 2013


Despite my best intentions (you know what they say about good intentions, right??), I continue to struggle.  I make it a couple of days, at most, and then I just give up. There really isn't any other way to say it...I simply give up.

I think I am over thinking it now.  Honestly, even though it is difficult, weight loss is a fairly simple formula.  So, why am I struggling?

I've had so many different thoughts about why this is so damn hard right now!

  • I'm putting too heavy a focus on weight loss and really need to shift my focus to exercise (not sure if I believe this or not - I think both are important, particularly in establishing a true healthy lifestyle)
  • I'm subconsciously afraid of becoming thin (not sure about that one either - I've really thought about it but I just can't find anything, with that said, it seems like I do an awful lot of self sabotage just as I am starting to see real success)
  • I'm just too busy and I don't have the time or energy to dedicate to this.  Look, I am going to whine a little.  I am a working mom.  I have an awful lot of guilt about being a working mom.  I get up early, go to work, come home later than I should.  I'm exhausted when I get home.  I have a children, a husband, and a household that still need my attention.  Anytime I spend doing something other than focused on these things makes me feel horrible.  HORRIBLE. So, every night I come home and say "I'm going to work out tonight", but then I find a million reasons why I can't possibly spare 30 minutes.  At risk of offending some stay at home moms out there, I really can't take hearing another one complain about how busy they dates, aerobics classes, yoga classes...GIVE.ME.A.BREAK (Yes, folks, this is sour grapes in action.  SOUR GRAPES)!  THEN, then I remember that my dear blog friend Leigh - well, she's a working mom, a weight loss superstar AND now a kick a** runner!!! 
  • I'm jealous of skinny biyotches (excuse me to all my skinny friends - I really do love you) who can eat whatever the hell they want and never gain a pound! (Green. Eyed. Jealousy. Monster!! Yes, that's me)
  • I just want to live "normal" - seriously, this is a thought process I have!!!  Like overeating and gaining weight uncontrolled is NORMAL!  (I think I may need to evaluate my definition of normal!)
  • I've become so overwhelmed and disorganized in other parts of my life - Laundry overflowing, housework - so far behind, finances - ugh!, church life - non-existent...and all of this makes me feel like I just can't get control of anything (yeah, so letting my weight balloon out of control...that is going to help, right??)
Too, too many thoughts...and at the end of the day, I think the answer is to JUST DO IT!!!  

**deep sigh**

I've heard from so many of you out there who are struggling too.  Thank you for your encouragement, thank you for sharing your stories!!  I really do appreciate it.  I know that we are capable of making this momentous change in our lives...I think we all need to believe that too...and then JUST DO IT!

I don't know if I will have great stories of success to share right now, but I am going to stop avoiding this blog like the plague.  

By the way - I've gained 19 lbs. back.  **sad head shake**

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  1. I appreciate this post. I am in the same boat with the self sabotage. I will have 2-3 good day only to blow it the rest of the week. I have realized that I am either really good at working out or eating well. I am having a problem eating well and working out at the same time. I'm not sure why because it seems like they would go hand in hand. I work shift work full time with a constantly changing schedule. Some days I go to work at 11:30PM and other days I go in at 6:00PM. The lack of routine is really hurting my weight loss game. I hope you find your motivation and dedication again and a nice balance that works with you and your family.

  2. Hey Connie. I've been thinking of you a lot lately. I appreciate all your thoughts about why this is so hard right now. I also appreciate the fact that you know that they are just excuses. Maybe getting in the game should start with some self healing. before you can lose weight physically, you have to ready for it mentally. I've been toying with the idea of going to Overeaters Anonymous. Although I haven't acted on my binge thoughts, I still think about it every day and I wonder if I could ever get to a point where I could go a day (or two, or forever)where a binge won't cross my mind. Check out the website, it may be something that could be helpful. It's not as simple as diet and exercise. Mental health is a HUGE factor in successful weight loss. Glad to see you back. Thanks for the update.

  3. I am a firm believer in lifestyle changes as opposed to dieting. I have lost over 55 lb. and have about 20 to go and it has been relatively easy because I didn't go ON and diet which leads to going OFF the diet. The first thing I did was stop eating sugar. Nothing good comes from eating sugar. Nothing. Stop right now. It is toxic. It causes heat in the body which leads to joint problems in addition to so many other health problems. You know that. We all do. Stop eating sugar. I also started making it a point to drink at least 8 glasses of water a day. I really think with your life and the obstacles that exercise can wait. We sometimes go on a guilt trip over the exercise. It can come in a bit when you are in more control. After the sugar was gone I started on other carbs like the breads, pastas, etc. You can have a wonderful salad on a low-carb diet. A snack is now a hard boiled egg or some almonds. I did count carbs for a while but now I know what to do. If you will keep your carbs between 50 and 75 per day you will lose weight consistently. I promise.

  4. Hi Connie, Wow, you have a lot of thoughts up there!!! Clearly, I can't address it all.

    To dramatically change a person's weight, the lifestyle must dramatically change. Like Leigh, I TOTALLY changed how each day was lived. Eating within calorie limit has provided structure to my eating--which seeped into all areas of my life. Structure is structure, no matter where you start to get it. Your house will start getting more orderly if you are watching your calories--seriously they correspond. I know a blogger who has heavy emphasis on structuring food, fitness, and life in general--as being connected. So if you want to lose a lot of weight, your current "normal" will not make that happen. You have to find a new "normal," as you allude to above.

    I don't do my weight loss alone. I was voted "Madam Secretary" of our T.O.P.S. chapter mainly because the older members felt that, for my own sake, I needed to be seriously invested in my weight loss in a long-term way. They were looking out for me. I feel responsible to my group because I am an official officer of my chapter. I love my TOPS friends (!!!) and they support me in ways that family never could. And they are INSISTENT about food journaling. When I didn't food journal for a while, they gave me some serious talks. Like Leigh said, I think you should consider joining a weight loss group like OA or TOPS, which are both inexpensive and both are really great support.

    I do care about you, Connie. And I hope you feel good about emailing me at: if you ever have any questions or issues, or whatever, you want to discuss with me. I'm very willing to invest that time for you. :D

    :-) Marion

  5. Connie,
    Sorry for responding a bit late in the game here. I know from experience that over-thinking is really dangerous. Trust me. Well, you know already because that is where you are right now. The panic sets in and feeling overwhelmed takes over doesn't it? I know. I can only suggest what is helping me. I am still at a day at a time.

    As much as my current Doctor is not impressing me all that much (I changed to her earlier this year since she is closer to me and I thought that would help me with my stress-load), she noticed that I was getting depressed with over-thinking everything. When she prescribed me a medication for bipolar disorder (which I don't have) without telling me, I knew that things had hit the skids for me. It was a wake-up call. I agreed with her on the depression but I decided that the medication for me at this time was not the answer as I have liver disease. So I have since gone through my health insurance company through work and am setting myself on a wellness program - it is all together involving mind/spirit/body healing. It will take time to get healthier for me. I was obsessing a lot and now am calming down. I also could not concentrate on one thing - but instead just let everything go out of exhaustion. Just the thought of doing anything - or making a decision was overwhelming.

    I am not sure Connie if that is an option for you? I know you will start to think that oh crap one more thing to have to add to your plate, but maybe you can't do this on your own anymore and in all honesty, who can? You my dear, deserve so much kudos for how far you have come! Don't worry about the 19 pounds right now. Think of what you have accomplished not just in your health / weight loss so far but also with everything in life - raising a family, working full time - those are not easy feats!

    Also, if it is through your work insurance, is there a way to allow for extra time (during work hours) that allow for these wellness appointments? It helps if your employer is aware and then they can at least support you - even a little bit. My job is really hectic, but they know that I have to put my health first. You do too!

    I pray and hope that you will find that balance. It is possible - believe me! xo