I think I am over thinking it now. Honestly, even though it is difficult, weight loss is a fairly simple formula. So, why am I struggling?
I've had so many different thoughts about why this is so damn hard right now!
- I'm putting too heavy a focus on weight loss and really need to shift my focus to exercise (not sure if I believe this or not - I think both are important, particularly in establishing a true healthy lifestyle)
- I'm subconsciously afraid of becoming thin (not sure about that one either - I've really thought about it but I just can't find anything there...now, with that said, it seems like I do an awful lot of self sabotage just as I am starting to see real success)
- I'm just too busy and I don't have the time or energy to dedicate to this. Look, I am going to whine a little. I am a working mom. I have an awful lot of guilt about being a working mom. I get up early, go to work, come home later than I should. I'm exhausted when I get home. I have a children, a husband, and a household that still need my attention. Anytime I spend doing something other than focused on these things makes me feel horrible. HORRIBLE. So, every night I come home and say "I'm going to work out tonight", but then I find a million reasons why I can't possibly spare 30 minutes. At risk of offending some stay at home moms out there, I really can't take hearing another one complain about how busy they are...play dates, aerobics classes, yoga classes...GIVE.ME.A.BREAK (Yes, folks, this is sour grapes in action. SOUR GRAPES)! THEN, then I remember that my dear blog friend Leigh - well, she's a working mom, a weight loss superstar AND now a kick a** runner!!!
- I'm jealous of skinny biyotches (excuse me to all my skinny friends - I really do love you) who can eat whatever the hell they want and never gain a pound! (Green. Eyed. Jealousy. Monster!! Yes, that's me)
- I just want to live "normal" - seriously, this is a thought process I have!!! Like overeating and gaining weight uncontrolled is NORMAL! (I think I may need to evaluate my definition of normal!)
- I've become so overwhelmed and disorganized in other parts of my life - Laundry overflowing, housework - so far behind, finances - ugh!, church life - non-existent...and all of this makes me feel like I just can't get control of anything (yeah, so letting my weight balloon out of control...that is going to help, right??)
Too, too many thoughts...and at the end of the day, I think the answer is to JUST DO IT!!!
I've heard from so many of you out there who are struggling too. Thank you for your encouragement, thank you for sharing your stories!! I really do appreciate it. I know that we are capable of making this momentous change in our lives...I think we all need to believe that too...and then JUST DO IT!
I don't know if I will have great stories of success to share right now, but I am going to stop avoiding this blog like the plague.
By the way - I've gained 19 lbs. back. **sad head shake**