Tuesday, July 31, 2012


Yesterday my body let me know how much it hates me right now. It was punishing me.  Forcing me to face the fact that I haven't been treating it so well, and so it wasn't about to treat me well when I decided I wanted it to perform for me.

I pushed my body hard over the weekend.  HARD.  Now, you my be thinking I went out and ran a few miles or walked many miles or even worked out at the gym like a mad woman. You would be wrong, though.

I did yard work.

Now, that may not sound like grueling exercise to anyone, but let me tell you, it was.

We pulled weeds, we trimmed bushes, we raked flower beds, we hauled loads.  FOR 6 HOURS ON SATURDAY AND 4 HOURS ON SUNDAY!  And all of that resulted in a massive 1000 calorie per hour burn...WHO KNEW!!!

In addition to the killer calorie burn, my yard looks AMAZING right now.  AMAZING! I am so proud of all the hard work we did!  BUT, my body is so, so, so sore!!!  My shoulders hurt, the backs of my legs hurt, my hands hurt - pretty much everything hurts.

THEN, as if that wasn't enough, I started a training program last night (more to come on that) and so with a very tired body that was sore, exhausted and begging for rest, I hit my first day of training...and it was ugly.  I felt SO sluggish and tired...my body was in complete rebellion against me.  BUT, I showed it who was boss, let me tell you!

Even though I am sore, and I hurt, and I'm stiff...you know what, it feels good.  It feels really good.  I know that I am once again doing what my body needs me to do, and even though it is groaning a bit, it will start to cooperate soon.

Now, I didn't do great with food this weekend. You see, I felt like I was working so hard in the yard that I couldn't possibly bring myself to make any food. SOOO...I ate out three times (UGH), and we cooked once.  I didn't drink Coke, which is a huge positive. Yesterday, though, I kicked my food into gear.  I tracked everything I ate and stayed within my calorie range.

AND, GUESS WHAT!!!  I have a secret weapon this time around,  I can't tell you a lot about my weapon right now, but I KNOW I am going to be successful because I have it.  My secret weapon has given me a laser like focus, and is motivating me like nothing else could. My secret weapon signed up for Spark People with me and is doing SO well - It makes me so proud and I wouldn't dream of doing anything that might take us off track!  Hopefully more to come about that!

AND AND AND....The Hubs started training with me too!!!

So, all the pieces are falling back into place.  THAT ALWAYS SCARES ME!  I am convinced it is just the calm before the storm.  BUT, I am going to try to be optimistic and see this as just the start of great success!!!

And, even though my body might hate me right now...it is going to thank me in the long run!


Friday, July 27, 2012


Last time I posted I mentioned that I have been on a detour of sorts.  A detour filled with twists and turns, and few sign posts to tell me where to go - or at least not any I am paying attention to.

Over the weekend I had a realization.  I realized that it was time for my detour to end.  It was BEYOND time for it to end. 

I realized it was time to RECALCULATE MY ROUTE.

I have been struggling with weight loss for so many years, and although I have had some victories, I have had far more failures.  It is difficult.  Far more difficult than I want it to be.  Far more difficult than most can understand.  Being obese presents a whole new set of challenges where weight loss is concerned.  And being  super obese makes it even harder - in fact, many statistics say it is near impossible.  GREAT!

I am super obese - no secret there, I think we established that with my very first post on this blog.  As much as I want to be able to say that I can overcome this, it is hard to look at my track record and believe it.  It is hard to look at the plight of others in my situation and believe that anything can be done (even those with a celebrity trainer fail sometimes).  IN FACT, over the years and through all of the attempted diets, exercise kicks, etc. I have just ended up getting bigger and bigger.  

So, no, it isn't working.  And when I try again, OF COURSE the specter of the many failures I have endured is constantly there - reminding me that I have failed, and have failed frequently.  Reminding me that this attempt probably won't be any different, so why bother!!

I watch shows like Biggest Loser or Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition and see these people lose massive amounts of weight - but let's be real - They are dedicating all of their time and energy to it.  They take time off work, or don't work at all, or quit their jobs.  The last EMWLE I watched had a nanny available for 3 months during 'the journey'!!!

Look - I am a wife and a mother - and a working one at that!  In addition, I have a home to keep - and I believe wholeheartedly that my home is my families' temple - our refuge from the world, and I'm not willing to let it go to hell.  The fact is,  I don't have the luxury of working out 4 hours a day, or hiring a nanny or quitting my job or letting my house go to pot. Even if I did, I would feel HORRIBLE if I did. I am not willing to sacrifice those things.  So, spending 1 year dedicated to 4 hour workouts and 1500 calorie diets just isn't in my future.  


I am also unwilling to spend one more dollar of mine or my husband's hard earned money on a weight loss program.  I have tried them all!!! Jenny Craig - CHECK, Weight Watchers - CHECK, Atkins - CHECK, Suzanne Somers - CHECK, Nutrisystem - CHECK, The Diet Center - CHECK, LA Weight Loss - CHECK.  The reality is they are businesses designed to make money.  AND, their success rate - ABYSSMAL.  I am not saying that those programs are bad, or that they don't work.  I'm saying that the failure rate for participants is HUGE.  AND, I have failed at every single one of them.  So, no, I am not going back to any of them.  I won't give our money away any more.

Ok, so I know what I am willing to do and what I am not willing to do.  So, again, what will make another attempt at weight loss different??

I DON'T KNOW!!!  I have no freaking idea.

But what I can say, is that I am not willing to quit trying.  Honestly, I may try and fail a million times...I may get to the end of my life and never reach this goal.  BUT, I will never stop trying.  And at least I will be able to say that I never gave up.

  • So, I am recalculating my route.  I am getting back on track.  
  • Wednesday night I hit the gym, Thursday morning too. (It was sad, friends, sad.  BUT, I did it.  I walked slow, and I sweated like I was running a marathon - while in reality I was whopping at the breakneck speed of 2.4 on the treadmill, but I did it!)
  • I haven't had Coke to drink since Tuesday. (Oh, the headaches)
  • I cooked dinner at home yesterday and the day before.   (Did I cook light, no, but I did cook at home and that is a huge step)
  • I brought my lunch to work today. 

I AM TRYING.  And for the moment, I am back on course.

Will I get off course again? ODDS ARE I WILL

Will I make a wrong turn?  MY HISTORY SAYS  I WILL

BUT, I won't stop trying.

So, I guess what I want you to know is that this blog may never be about me actually reaching my goal....I desperately hope so, but I can't guarantee it.

What I can guarantee is this...this blog will document a journey - a spirit that refuses to give up.  It will be HONEST and document the FIGHT, the STRUGGLE, the UPS and DOWNS, the FAILURES and SUCCESSES.  


I hope that is enough to keep you interested.  If not, I understand.  There are blogs out there with fantastic success stories - I read many of them, some are my absolute favorites. RUNS FOR COOKIES - ADORE! 

This blog may never be that kind of success story - BUT, it will tell a story - a valuable one at that.  It will be my story - the good, the bad and the ugly.