Wednesday, February 27, 2013


I am currently having a love affair with Guacamole.

I love it. Love it. Love it.

Seriously, in my opinion Guacamole makes everything taste better - EVERYTHING!

Last night for dinner I made Taco Chicken.  I have seen this recipe on Pinterest for months and have wanted to make it for months. Last night I finally decided to give it a go.  It turned out pretty good - the overall rating from my family was 8.5 - so I consider that a rousing success.  As much as I liked it, it just felt like something was missing.  I served it with Mexican Rice and black beans, both delicious, but still, it just seemed boring.  

Today I decided to bring the Taco Chicken left overs for for lunch.  The rest of the facility was having a taco bar to celebrate the visit of our CEO.  I had planned NOT to participate in the taco bar because I just can't accurately calculate the calories, etc. and I don't want to be in that position right now, at all.  I also was pretty proud of my taco chicken and wanted to eat it again - even though I still felt something was missing.

As I walked into the cafeteria and saw the taco bar set up, I decided to add some shredded lettuce, tomato and onion to my meal.  It made it look more rounded out and I thought, OK.  This is getting better.   I also added some guacamole.

Oh. My. Hell.

That meal went from blah to BLING!

It was so good!  I want to credit the lettuce, onion and tomato - and don't get me wrong, they helped give it flavor and to balance out the entire dish...but man, the guac took it over the top!  I will most definitely make that meal again and I will most definitely serve it with a little side of lettuce, tomato, onion and GUAC!!!

Now, if you had asked me 1 year ago if I liked guacamole I would have told you no.   I rarely ate it.  I never would have thought to add it to a home made meal.  It just wouldn't have been on my radar screen.  I never hated it, but I just didn't think of it as something that I was in to.  Now, I am a maniac.  I can't get enough of the stuff.

So, why do I relate this tale??  Here's why....for me, taking chances and trying out new foods is helping to keep me on track.  Look, i love food.  You don't get to my weight without really loving yourself some food!  I need the food I eat to be tasty and satisfying!

I know there are so many out there who say "don't focus on the food, don't make it so important", but honestly, I have to. The worst part about being a "food addict" is that I can' t just go "cold turkey".  I have to eat food to survive.  Now, granted, I don't have to eat as much, but I do have to do it.  Not only that, I also have to prepare it and serve it to my family!! I mean, there is no way for me not to think about this stuff!  Getting control of a food addiction isn't like kicking cigarettes or alcohol where you are trying to stop doing it all together (I'm not trying to minimize how difficult that is, I'm just saying, I can't just give up my addition) - you have to figure out how to get control of the addition while still partaking of the actual thing that you are addicted to!!

I'm trying to figure out how to live with an addiction that I can't give up.   It's crazy!  

Bottom line, I have to think about food every, single, day.  Think about my choices, think about how to make it all fit within my calorie range.  Think about the fat content, fiber content, sodium content.  Think about what to feed my get the picture, it takes a lot of thought. AND, on top of all of that, I need that food to satisfy me - because if it doesn't, sooner than later I will just throw in the towel.

Experimenting with new fruits, veggies, meats, etc. is really helping  out with that!  It is exciting!  And when I find something that I love, and even better - that my family loves, it is so satisfying - and it keeps me going.  Salmon was something I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole 2 years, I cannot tell you how much I love salmon.  If I am eating out and they have salmon, odds are I will be ordering it. The best part, my family loves it too!  Even my picky little one will eat salmon!  I mean, big score!!.  

And now, I am having this love affair with Guacamole.  And today, that love affair paid off big time!

Honestly, i can't wait to find out what else is out there!

Week 5 and feeling super satisfied AND in love with guacamole!

Sunday, February 24, 2013


I feel like I'm in a really good place right now.  A really good place.  Are things perfect, far from it, but I feel good.  I feel focused and I feel like I am doing the things I need to right now.

There are so many areas of my life that I feel I need to improve darn many...but this year I decided that even though all of those things are important, there is no way I can fix every single one of them at the same time.  I have to make choices...I have to decide which are my priorities.   And you know what, I came out on top.  Taking care of me and taking care of the issue that affects every other aspect of my life - my weight - that became my priority.  I won't feel selfish about it.  I just won't.  I need to put myself first if I ever want to be able to give to the other areas of my life the way I want to.  So, this year is about me losing weight, changing my lifestyle and becoming an energetic, healthy woman.  Are other things being put on hold...yes, they are...and again, I won't feel badly about that.  It doesn't mean those things aren't important, it just means that THIS is more important right now, because THIS impacts all those other things.  And I think I'm on the right track, because I feel so good right now, and I think that is how we know we are on the right path...we feel it.  We feel calmed...and that is how I feel.  Calm.  For me, that is a big deal.  A really big deal.

Now, it scares me a bit to feel like this.  Tonight I told my husband that I am scared that it is all going to fall apart.  Is this calm I'm feeling the calm before the storm?  I so hope not.  I need the calm to stick around to get me through this weight loss journey...and I'm praying it does, I really am.

Today was a great day...I didn't let the disappointment of the weigh in yesterday get to me, and I'm proud of myself for that.  I woke up and made a fantastic breakfast for me and my family.  It was a great way to start the day, and I was so happy as we sat around the table and ate and talked.

On a side note, I love my family.  I love them so, so much.

After breakfast we just hung around...and did nothing.  It was spectacular, and I loved just doing rarely happens around here...and honestly, it was a seriously treasured moment!

After about an hour of doing nothing my sister called and asked if we wanted to go bowling.  It sounded like so much fun and we decided to do it.  I haven't bowled in so long!!  We had a great time, even though my bowling skills are less than fabulous.  Watching the kids bowl was the best.  They had such a good time, and their reactions were priceless when the pins fell down...just loved it.

We had a major WIN at the bowling alley today...let's face it, part of the charm of bowling is eating really fattening, fried food.  EVERYONE around us was eating fried food...we were dying.  BUT, we decided before hand that we would not eat anything while we were there...and we didn't.  It wasn't easy, but we did it...and we still had a GREAT time.

By the time we were done I was absolutely starving. The whole drive home I was thinking about what we would eat.  I was not thrilled at the thought of a ham sandwich, but I resigned myself to the thought.   Then, in a moment of magic,  I remembered that I had a sandwich maker at I haven't used, EVER, to make a sandwich.  I pulled it out and made ham and swiss sandwiches with tomato and a little mayo.  They were FANTASTIC.  Everything melted together perfectly and the outcome absolutely hit the spot.  We had dill pickles, and orange and some baked cheetos on the side.  It was an incredibly satisfying meal and it made the whole "don't eat at the bowling alley" thing worth it.

After lunch, we vegged out watching pre-academy awards shows.   I ended up falling asleep, as did Chris and the girls.  After an hour and 20 minutes I woke felt great to take a quick nap, and again, I just felt really good, and calm, and happy.

We got up and we started making dinner.  I was determined to try a new recipe from  baked chicken parmesan.  I had cooked twice already and I guilted Chris into making dinner...I gave him the recipe and away he went.  It turned out so good!!  I could not believe how tasty it was!  I most definitely need to try more of her recipes.  It was so delicious!

Now, my breakfast this morning was not exactly low in, by the time dinner was over, I was out of calories for the day.  I was actually amazed that I stayed within my calorie range.  Everyone had ice cream for dessert, and even though I really wanted to have some AND could have rationalized going over my calorie range, I decided against it.  PROGRESS!!

I still have so far to go on this journey, and I have fallen down so many times in the past, but right now, I have so much hope that I will get there!!

Week 5...going strong and in a good place!  Thank goodness!!!

Saturday, February 23, 2013


Today is my weigh in day.  I just got off the scale.  I hate the scale.  No gain, but no loss either.  So disappointing.  I am trying to take it in stride, but it really makes me feel sad.  I have so much weight to lose and when I have a week like this, it feels like I might never get to my goal weight.

I went back through my food tracker - with the exception of one day (Monday, Longhorn Steakhouse) I have been right on track.  In fact, I feel as though I am improving my choices every week!

So, I have two choices here...freak out and give up - because in the long run that will make me happy, right!  OR deal with it, realize it happens, and keep moving forward.  Obviously there is no choice here...moving forward is the only choice.

You know, its funny, last night laying in bed I told my husband I wasn't expecting to lose weight this week.  I had a big loss last week, and just felt in my bones that this week the scale was going to skunk me.   And so it did.

Now, because I am trying to have a healthier mindset about how I approach this whole weight loss thing (I mean, I am going to be doing this for almost 2 years, so I better learn to be calm about it) I went back through my 2010 weight loss tracker.  In 2010 I was in the zone and lost 73 lbs.  I then promptly lost my job of 10 years and returned to bad, emotional eating habits and gained it all back.  ANYWAY, in 2010 I stalled at this same point.  It only lasted 1 week, but it happened...and the week after wasn't some mind blowing weight loss either...but it was loss, and I think I can expect the same to happen here.

I also think this is the time when I say - OK, add in the workouts again.  Don't keep ignoring the treadmill.  So, this week my goal is to work out 3 times.  Both weekend days and 1 day during the week.  That is doable, right???  I can make that happen.

So, it is the start of week 5, I'm feeling yuck about the weigh in, but I also feel like moving forward.  I have a milestone goal, and I will get there...I hope in March....I hope in March....I hope in March!!!

Thursday, February 21, 2013


Just a quick check in today to tell you that I AM HUNGRY!

I have no idea what is different today!  I haven't felt ravenous for 4 weeks, but today, I feel ravenous.

I am going to drink a TON of water and try to stave off the hunger attack!!!

Tuesday, February 19, 2013


Saturday was my weekly weigh in.  I was actually really nervous!  I realized that I just couldn't take a gain - now, I had no reason to believe I would have one, but you know, sometimes the scale is fickle - on Saturday I couldn't deal with a fickle scale!

I got up and got ready to weigh - I have to brush through my hair and make myself look semi presentable before I weigh so that if it goes bad I can still look in the mirror and see something less than horrific and feel even worse about the situation.  I stepped on the scale and was thrilled to see a 6.5 lbs. loss for the week!  I was very, very pleased!

Although I had a great weigh in, this weekend I really did start to have feelings of being overwhelmed by the amount of weight I have to lose.  It is daunting at times, and even though I have chipped away 18 lbs. so far since January 26, it doesn't feel like progress.  I have lost and regained this 18 lbs. so many times over the last 2 years it isn't even funny.  I am trying really hard to banish these feelings of  "I can't do this", or "I will never reach my goal", but they are hanging on right now, tightly.  I haven't felt the need to emotion eat, and I am really grateful about that, but overall I am feeling down about things right now.

This weekend was a "long" weekend - we all had Monday off for President's Day.  I did really well on Saturday and Sunday - tracked everything, stayed within my calorie limits, drank all my water.  Monday I still tracked and got all my water in, but I went over my calorie limit.  It is the first time since I started, so I feel pretty good about that.  Chris and I went out on a "date" to the movies and dinner afterward.  It is HARD to do dinner and a movie and not rack up a million calories - especially when you are going to Longhorn Steakhouse (delicious, by the way! - next time I will order off their 500 calorie menu).  The problem was that we did it sort of spur of the moment, which meant I hadn't really planned for it throughout the day and didn't have enough calories left for a meal like that!  HOWEVER, there were some wins and I prefer to focus on those:

  1. I ordered a small popcorn with no butter at the movies AND asked for an ice water.  I LOVE popcorn and I considered it a major accomplishment that I didn't go whole hog AND I didn't even get a drink!  All they had was light lemonade (I don't drink carbonated beverages any more) and it actually messes with my throat, so I just got water and I was pretty satisfied with that.  Overall, I consider my choices at the movies a win!
  2. I ordered smart-ish at Longhorn.  Now, I have never been to Longhorn Steakhouse before - I had perused their menu on our way from the movie theater to the restaurant, and they had all their nutrition available (fantastic).  I was SET on eating their "Flo's Filet & Salmon" plate.  It had 710 calories, and I thought that was reasonable.  The problem was the 710 didn't count the side (I ordered vegetables) - another 90 calories I'm sure due to whatever they put on it that made it taste so magical AND a salad - 350 calories.  So, at the end of the day, it was A LOT of calories.  Now, I did ask them not to bring bread to our table (WIN) and we didn't order an appetizer (WIN), so I did some things right.  Next time I just need to either plan ahead and save calories during the day OR choose from the under 500 menu (I know, I know...I should have done that!!  I couldn't pass up the filet and salmon!!!)
  3. We went out for breakfast on Saturday and Chris and I shared a meal.  I thought it was a step forward in the way we think about eating out - both financially and calorically. I thought it was a big win.
Now, things that need some attention:

FITNESS, FITNESS, FITNESS - I am still not on track with fitness.  I know that it is a cop out to say this, but I'm saying this anyway - I am struggling to find the time in my day to do this!  Yes, I watch TV and I could do it then - but I don't watch much TV, and on some days, I don't watch any.  When I get home from work it is all about make dinner, clean up from dinner, spend some time with the family, clean up a bit and go to bed again.  I know I need to make this a priority, but right now, it just isn't happening.  

I had someone at work tell me that 70% of weight loss is really attributed to what you eat - so, I know as long as I am eating well I will continue to decrease my weight, and that is good.  My concern is this - I see the enormous difference that working out makes in the way people's body's look (; AND in the coping with some health issues like HBP, which is something I need to worry about.  So I don't want to just say "hey, I'm losing weight so it is OK that I'm not working out", I want the whole package - weight loss, a strong, healthy looking body AND a body free from medical issues! I can't get that with food alone, I just can't.

So, how do I crack this fitness nut?  Don't set my expectations of myself too high?  Start out with 1 - 2 workouts a week?  Build up as I feel ready?  That feels like the right answer.  I mean, on Saturday and Sunday, I can most definitely find the time to workout.  So, if I start there, that is 2 workouts a week!  Maybe that is where I start???  Any suggestions out there?

Overall, I am in week 4, I have lost 18 lbs., and I'm on track.  Sure, the though of having to type that same sentence over and over again for another 70 weeks or so is devastating, but it is what it is!  

Thursday, February 14, 2013


It has been over a week since I last blogged, and usually that is an indication of absolute disaster...BUT, this time it is not!!

Things are going really well - not one day off my program here since I started back on!!  AMAZING!

Saturday was my weigh in and I was down 3 lbs.  I have to admit, I was a bit disappointed - I really had hoped for a much larger loss, but I need to learn to be happy whenever my weight goes down!  It means things are moving in the right direction, even if it isn't at the speed I would like.

I have consistently tracked my food intake, and am always within my calorie range, and always consume my water.  I does feel like it is getting easier to manage, and I am really pleased with that.

This go round I am trying so hard to keep it all balanced.  I am a person who goes to extremes - swings like a pendulum from one extreme to the other - and that is not healthy.  I have got to learn to temper the extremes, and right now I feel like I am successfully doing that where my food intake is concerned.  Do I worry that it will all collapse and I will become insane?  Of course!  But, I am feeling good right now and I choose to dwell on that.

Some of the big challenges I have successfully navigated over the last week include my daughter's birthday party AND my nephew's birthday party.  One was at a buffet - I made fairly good choices, tracked everything and chose not to eat any cake, the other was at home and I kept myself to one cupcake and no ice cream!  Success!   I had a few eat outs and at each I made very wise choices AND learned again why eating at home pays - it is both financially and caloricaly (not a word, don't care!) smarter!!!.  Far, far more eat ins which is a fantastic trend.  Chris and I are really working to limit ourselves to one eat out each week for dinner and one for lunch.  This may sound like a lot to some, but to us, this is incredible progress.  We aren't perfect yet, but we are doing so much better!  Overall, I feel like each week is going better than the last.

I haven't gotten on the scale at all this week, so Saturday will be a surprise!  I just hope it is a good one!  It truly is discouraging to put work in and feel there is no result.  I realize it is normal to have weeks where the scale is stubborn, but honestly, I don't need that experience right now!

I have been struggling with getting my workouts in - this is clearly the nut that I am going to have to focus on cracking.  I am so busy at work right now - when I get home I am rushing to get dinner on the table, do a few chores, enjoy some time with the family, and then its time to hit the sack.  And mornings are just hectic and, honestly, I hate the mornings and don't want to get up any earlier than I already do.  I will probably have to make some sacrifices to get my workouts in - but right now I am doing what I can and for now, I feel that is sufficient.

I did workout once last week at 10:00 at night!  I thought, DAMMIT, I am getting a workout in come hell or highwater!  It actually felt really good and it was one of the easier workouts I have had.  I felt really good and didn't dread the entire situation   I was walking at the same speed and distance I had been going - the difference you ask? Bridesmaids - I watched it on my Kindle while I worked out and it completely distracted me from my breathing and the sound of the treadmill - all reminders of the workout I didn't need to hear.  I even refused to stop once I reached the end of my workout because I was at a point in the movie (the plane scene - CLASSIC) and wanted to see it through to the end.

Again, I know I have got to get my workouts going - they are so important to overall health - forget the weight loss!  I think I need to start with a goal of 2 times a week, and then move it up every 2 weeks, rather than just jumping into the "hit it 6 times a week or die" mode.  That isn't working for me.

Anyway, I am just thrilled to report that all is well, I am moving forward and feeling good.

Week 3 - on track, feeling motivated, eye of the tiger!

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Biggest Loser: Pay It Forward

Here is my first attempt at "live blogging" a Biggest Loser  episode!
  • Post vote off sadness - sure - I don't believe it for a second!  
  • Not groovin' on Bob's glasses and preppy buttoned shirt
  • DISASTER - no trainers for the week.
  • Dolvett's "and then there was four" speech is over the top
  • OK.  I won't  lie, these kids are darling!
  • Way to go Bingo's mom!  27 lbs. lost!
  • I must be pre-menstrual, because Bingo's story is killing me...KILLING ME!
  • I have to admit, I am rooting for the girls in white.
  • Yeah, blue team is looking weak without Bob.
  • Oh man, it just bugs me so much when they start to turn the players against each other.  YES, really successful weight loss strategy.
  • Allright!  Red team is kicking A and taking names!  
  • I despise Jillian's armchair psychiatry.
  • Lindsay is so cute.  I just cannot stand how mean kids are to each other! 
  • PREACH IT DOLVETT - There. Is. No. Excuse. For. Bullying!
  • Cute cheerleaders helping Lindsay out!  
  • Challenge time!
  • RUNNING A 5K! Motivational Moment???
  • Go Michael!  You can do it!
  • Push through it Jackson!  Push through it!
  • The hubs just asked me why David Hasselhoff was running the 5k - it was Dr. H.  LMAO!
  • Love the jig, Joe...LOVE IT
  • Damn this show making me want to run a 5k...I would die!
  • OK. I am looking up the Biggest Loser Runwalk in Utah!
  • Midway UT, 6/ we come!!!
  • I love Jillian getting schooled!  ROW, Jillian, ROW!
  • Dolvett's look is crazy!!
  • Jeff bringing some attitude...not a good idea...not a good idea!
  • Jackson, you ARE a ripped bald black guy!  LOVE IT!
  • Way to go Michael!  12 lbs. down!
  • Seriously, when 4 lbs. lost is a disappointment, the wrong expectation is being set!
  • "Jillian is looking so smoking hot right here" - says my husband
  • Francelina's do looks like she is trying to channel Minnie Mouse
  • I hate that I Love Ali's sparkly dress!  Yes, dammit, I want to be able to wear that!
  • Way. To. Go. Jackson!!!
  • I'm a Utah girl, so I can't help but love Jackson!
  • cross those fingers girl!
  • devastated!  I just love Pam!  NOOOOOOOO!
  • You get your own makeover girl!!!  LOVE IT!
  • DAMN GIRL!!!!!
Overall, pretty good episode.  I will never get over the BS of voting people off, or sending them home. Again, if they really wanted this show to explode, keep them all there! 

I feel for the kids on the show and the struggles they are going through.  I would love to see them do a Biggest Loser kids edition - not just have kid ambassadors.  We are so terrified of addressing overweight in children!  Teaching them to track their calories, understand portion size and exercise regularly - these are tools they will use their whole life and can help them avoid so many painful, difficult moments!  We don't want to our kids to have to worry about these things, but the reality is if they are overweight, they are already worrying about a whole host of issues - helping them, instead of hiding from the issue, is the right thing to do.

Of course, Jillian had her crazy moments - no surprise.  As much as it bugs me to see her scream and yell, I think if I had to choose a trainer I would choose her.  

Sad to see Pam go sad!  I just love her sassy attitude.  But, man, she just kept on going and she looked great!  I LOVE LOVE LOVE that she go herself a makeover!  

Well, I have had a long day and I am ready for a long nights sleep!


I think I have mentioned that I really despise The Biggest Loser.  The entire premise of the show is disturbing...take a bunch of people who have a "disease" and make them compete for a cure to said disease.  Make them weigh in each week, and regardless of how hard they have worked or how much they have done, cut them and send them home based on the percent of weight they have lost OR have some ridiculous session where you make their other sick teammates decide who they will deny the cure to.

Substitute disease above with cancer, and weight with white blood cells - pretend the players are competing for a chance for world class cancer treatments  but - you know, each week one has to go home and try to fight their disease on their own..seriously, this show is barbaric.

I could respect this show so much more if the people who were selected to go to the ranch were all allowed to stay on the ranch the entire time.  The winner of the big money could still be the individual who loses the largest % of weight, and I tell you, the show would still thrive.  At the end of the day, people are tuning in because they are invested in these people and their journey - so why not show the whole journey.

I am shocked that any professional trainer would participate in something like this.  Again, think about the cancer example and pretend the trainers are doctors.  Those doctors would lose their license!!

So, if I hate it so much, why can't I stop watching it??

I'll tell you why...because just like so many others, I am invested in these people.  I am rooting for them.  I understand their struggle and I understand what they are trying to do and at the end of the day I am willing to tune in to watch them and ignore the absolutely barbaric nature of the show they are participating in.

Yeah, I am watching the current season of Biggest Loser.  And I have decided that I am going to steal an idea from one of my favorite bloggers, Natalie at and live blog my thoughts about each episode.  Natalie live blogs her thoughts about each bachelor episode.  The posts are hilarious, and although I am not a fan of the bachelor, I do like reading her live blog posts about them!  She is a single lady on the dating scene and her perspectives are hilarious because she is also seeking her "bachelor".

I thought that it would be awesome to do the same thing with The Biggest Loser...from the perspective of a gal who is in the same boat as these, get ready blogosphere...from now on I will be live blogging my thoughts about each Biggest Loser episode!!!  I KNOW you are as excited as I am!

So, how about you?  What do you think about the Biggest Loser?


Last night I was so frustrated and angry about things that as much as I would like to control, I cannot.

These are the types of feelings and emotions that typically send me into a food frenzy, and last night I felt that urge so deeply.  I wanted to eat myself better...but, I didn't.  Thanks goodness!  I didn't really do anything brave or heroic to stop myself...I holed up in my room and avoided the kitchen & pantry like the plague.

Did it work?  Why, yes, it did.

Do I think that is the healthiest way to deal with my desire to emotional eat?  No, no I do not.  I definitely need to come up with a better strategy to deal with those moments.

A lot of people would say I should workout, but honestly, I don't love working out enough at this point and I don't see it as any form of comfort.  Maybe one day in the future, but right now I swear it would make me feel even more despondent.

Today I don't feel quite the same urge to eat away my sorrows, and I am grateful for that.  The problem I was frustrated about hasn't gone away - in fact I can hear the problem loud and clear right now - but today I don't feel like compromising my health or the progress I have made to deal with it.

Other than the near tragic emotional eating episode, the rest of the day went fairly well.  I felt incredibly exhausted and worn out - Monday Blues?  I hope that is all it was.  I cooked a healthy dinner, I spent a couple of hours talking to a friend, and I finished up the night with my current favorite dessert - McDonald's ice cream.

I ended up making a baked chicken dinner last night.  I am not very savvy when it comes to baking chicken - it usually turns out pretty dry, but last night that was not the case.  I took some time to look up instructions for baking chicken, followed them to a T, and the end result was a very moist and juicy chicken breast.  I had put the chicken in a teriyaki marinade before I baked it, but it didn't end up adding very much flavor - which was disappointing.  Now I feel really motivated to find some fantastic recipes for baked chicken.  It was incredibly easy to make, and as a working mom, I am always looking for incredibly easy meals.  I have been looking on the internet today to find some good recipes, but I haven't found any I am really excited about.  Maybe I will have to come up with something on my own!  I won't hold my breath for that...but, I may dare to dream!

I am still striking out with my workout.  I have got to find a way to get it in when I first get up.  Waiting until the evening is just killing me.  My evenings are busy and it is easy to get derailed and end up skipping the workout altogether...and for the last 3 days, that has been the case.  I am hoping to turn it around today - I really want to hit my goal of 4 workouts this week!

So, last night while I was chatting with my friend we of course talked a bit about diets and weight loss.  We were talking about health issues and my friend, who is a tiny little thing, asked me how my cholesterol, bp, etc. are.  I told her that my cholesterol is very good, my BP is pre-hypertensive, and my sugars, etc. are all good.  I don't have any major health issues.  She went on to tell me that she has high cholesterol, and several medical issues that she is dealing with.  She then said that if someone looked at the two of us they would of course guess that I had the issues that she has because I am fat, and would think she had no issues be cause she is very thin.

It really bothered me and I thought about that all night.  I kept thinking about the stereotypes that fat people deal with:  inactive, lazy, unhealthy - knocking at death's door.  It really bugged me to think that when people look at me they are thinking those things.  Seriously, in case you are wondering, I work my ASS off every day to provide for my family at a job that some days I truly don't love - to make a beautiful home for them - one we can all come home to and shake off the stress of the day and relax and enjoy our time together.  During the spring and summer I work like a dog to keep my yard beautiful - I don't pay someone to do it, I get my butt out there and do it myself.  But, hey, I'm lazy, right!  So irritating!  Also, yes, I realize that being obese is unhealthy.  But the reality is I can point to 20 skinny people with health issues far more concerning and serious than anything I am dealing with.  No. I don't know how to eat healthy, but I am learning.  No. I don't know how to exercise my body, but I am learning.  But those 2 things do not make me lazy, inactive, or knocking at death's door.

I'm tired of the stereotypes.  So. Damn. Tired.  And I am tired of shows like The Biggest Loser that do nothing but perpetuate these stereotypes...don't even get me started on The Biggest Loser.  I can't go there today.  At the end of the day I wish we as human beings would quit jumping to conclusions about people or assuming we know anything about them when we don't know them at all.

Wow!  I guess I had some feelings about that!  Clearly I had to get that off my chest!

Anyway, I am still going strong.  Day 10 and still going.  PHEW!  So glad I can type that!

Monday, February 4, 2013


Emotional eat right now so badly I can barely handle it!!!

I am fighting it...fighting it hard!

If the only way to stop myself is to lock myself in my room - so be it!


Saturday was my weigh in day.  I admit, I was excited to see if I had made progress, but at the same time I felt apprehensive because I knew the weight I would see would feel disappointing no matter what because I have put so much back on over the last few months.

I got up and went about my morning routine and then I jumped on the scale.  I was thrilled to see a 9 lbs. loss - and I felt like I had earned that dip in the scale.  Was I disappointed to see the same number I was seeing a year ago at this time...of course....but, I am committed not to focus on self defeating behaviors like that.  They serve no purpose and I decided to give myself credit for a great first week back on track.

So, to sum it up....

  • I tracked every single day and stayed within my calorie range
  • I drank my water every single day, and then some
  • I got in 3 workouts - each day was around 60 minutes.  My goal was to get in 5 workouts, so I fell a bit short of my goal of 5 workouts, but you know what, I am OK.  It was progress, and this week I will do better!
  • And that all added up to a 9 lbs. loss.

All in all I think it was a very good week.

Some of the things I felt like I discovered, or that helped me get through the week were:

  • Avocado - DELICIOUS little fruit!  I am going to be incorporating this into more meals!
  • - I have been aware of the site for a long time, but last week it really helped me generate ideas for great recipes that satisfy me AND my family.
  • JD4 - I think I have said enough on this topic.  Great workout.  I will most definitly continue to incorporate it.   It allows me to workout AND have blast with my kids at the same time.
  • McDonald's Vanilla Cone - this is the perfect treat for me and again keeps me from going off the deep end into a pint of Ben & Jerry's.  It is low enough in calories that I can usually fit it into my day.  I love it!
  • Eating Out - This is an area where I still need to tread carefully.  As a working mom it is hard to plan and execute 3 meals every single day and the reality is, eating out comes into play.  I am working to limit the number of eat outs for my sake, my husband's sake, my kids' sake, my wallet's sake...but, it is going to happen from time to time.  I am learning that if I make a plan and stick to it, I can still have a healthy meal.  My goal is to get eating out down to no more than once a week, but right now I am still working on that.
  • Speaking of eating at home, did I mention that we had homemade meals all but 1 night last week!!! Seriously, that is a huge step forward!!!  I also took my lunch 3 out of 5 days to work and made lunch at home 1 of 2 weekend days.  HUGE progress.  I realize for some this is a lot of eating out, but again, it is all relative to what has been happening - and what was happening before was a whole lot more eating out than this.  I am  pleased with the progress in this area this week.

So, coming into week 2, what are my goals?

  • Continue tracking faithfully every day
  • Stay within my calorie range without fail
  • Get in at least 4 30 minute workouts this week, with an ultimate goal of 5. 
  • Only 1 eat out at lunch at at dinner.  No breakfast eat outs.
  • Try 1 new light recipe - that will hopefully knock my socks off!

Week 2 - still motivated and moving forward.  THANK GOODNESS!

Friday, February 1, 2013


I am always so amazed by the creative juices that start to flow in me when I start to get rid of all of the trash getting in the way.

Trash of fast food.

Trash of "desperation eating".

Trash of soda.

These things make me feel out of control - they cloud my mind.  When I get rid of them - DANG - I am floored by the things that I start to think about, the menus that I start to come up with, the activities I choose to do.  I don't know what makes me go back to the cloudy, hazy state - it sucks to be in the cloudy, hazy state - this clear, creative state is so much better!!!

Last night as my husband and I were trying to decide what we were going to eat for dinner, we stumbled onto the idea of a BLT sandwich.  We have NEVER had BLT sandwiches before, but we thought it would be a fun experiment.   Oh. My. Goodness.  The creativity kicked in and what we made was fantastic.  Even my doubting daughters were thrilled with the meal!  We baked the bacon instead of frying it, which makes it nice and crispy but doesn't seem to shrink and shrivel it up.  We sliced the tomatoes thin, but not too thin, and added salt and pepper.  Of course iceberg lettuce AND we added fresh avocado slices with a little bit of kosher salt sprinkled on.  All of that went onto a toasted bolillo bun.  I wanted to cry it was so delicious.

To some, a BLT might not sound creative, but let me assure you, for me, it is.  I don't love to cook, and when we come up with something that tastes this good...boy, let me tell you, we feel like we hit a creative grand slam!!

Now, because of my weight, I can eat more calories than others and still lose weight.  So, right now I am not overly worried about calories...really, I am learning to eat "normal" and "normal" will help me lose weight.  I don't have to cut down to 1500  or 1200.  I just need to eat a normal caloric intake.  Anyway, my daily intake range is 1700- 2000 (suggested is 2000 - 2300, but hey, I can't live with that).  One day, however, that range will shift and I will need to be in the 1500 calorie range, so I am trying to think of ways to reduce the calories, but still enjoy some of these fantastic meals.  For the BLT we thought if we ate it open faced it would be a quick way to reduce calories, or reduce from 3 slices of bacon to 2.  I love that I am thinking this way.  It feels good to have a strategy that will allow me to keep eating the things I love, AND stay within my calorie range.

Another discovery...I FREAKING LOVE AVOCADO!  I mean, seriously, how has this fruit escaped my attention.  Sure, I have loved me some guacamole, but to eat an avocado sliced - nothing I would ever do.  TRAGIC.  This is about to become a new obsession for me!

Also,  Seriously, how anyone on a diet is not using this site is beyond me.  This woman has the greatest recipes and they are all healthy and low in calories.  It is my current lifeline!

I did get my workout in last night - 42 minutes on the treadmill (Oh yeah, you read that right - 42 minutes!!), and 15 minutes of Just Dance.  Thank you to Justin Timberlake and Eminem for pulling me through..they are my Sweat List lifesavers!! I need my 'Sexyback' and 'Lose Yourself" to push me when I want to give up!  They give me my second wind....I could be ready to drop and if one of those songs comes on, I am ready to push, push, push.

I tried out Just Dance Disney and it was much more doable for someone of my non-fitness level.  It felt more like doing "Walk Away the Pounds", and that is more my speed.  That doesn't mean I won't be going back to JD4...I need my "Moves like Jagger" and "Wild Wild West".

I am almost afraid to type how good I feel right now!  Do I need to hurry and knock on wood if I say it aloud?  Well, I guess I am taking that risk.  I FEEL DAMN GOOD!  I feel focused and I feel balanced...not overwhelmed or crazy...just balanced.

Day 6. Creative and Balanced.  I like it!