Friday, July 27, 2012


Last time I posted I mentioned that I have been on a detour of sorts.  A detour filled with twists and turns, and few sign posts to tell me where to go - or at least not any I am paying attention to.

Over the weekend I had a realization.  I realized that it was time for my detour to end.  It was BEYOND time for it to end. 

I realized it was time to RECALCULATE MY ROUTE.

I have been struggling with weight loss for so many years, and although I have had some victories, I have had far more failures.  It is difficult.  Far more difficult than I want it to be.  Far more difficult than most can understand.  Being obese presents a whole new set of challenges where weight loss is concerned.  And being  super obese makes it even harder - in fact, many statistics say it is near impossible.  GREAT!

I am super obese - no secret there, I think we established that with my very first post on this blog.  As much as I want to be able to say that I can overcome this, it is hard to look at my track record and believe it.  It is hard to look at the plight of others in my situation and believe that anything can be done (even those with a celebrity trainer fail sometimes).  IN FACT, over the years and through all of the attempted diets, exercise kicks, etc. I have just ended up getting bigger and bigger.  

So, no, it isn't working.  And when I try again, OF COURSE the specter of the many failures I have endured is constantly there - reminding me that I have failed, and have failed frequently.  Reminding me that this attempt probably won't be any different, so why bother!!

I watch shows like Biggest Loser or Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition and see these people lose massive amounts of weight - but let's be real - They are dedicating all of their time and energy to it.  They take time off work, or don't work at all, or quit their jobs.  The last EMWLE I watched had a nanny available for 3 months during 'the journey'!!!

Look - I am a wife and a mother - and a working one at that!  In addition, I have a home to keep - and I believe wholeheartedly that my home is my families' temple - our refuge from the world, and I'm not willing to let it go to hell.  The fact is,  I don't have the luxury of working out 4 hours a day, or hiring a nanny or quitting my job or letting my house go to pot. Even if I did, I would feel HORRIBLE if I did. I am not willing to sacrifice those things.  So, spending 1 year dedicated to 4 hour workouts and 1500 calorie diets just isn't in my future.  


I am also unwilling to spend one more dollar of mine or my husband's hard earned money on a weight loss program.  I have tried them all!!! Jenny Craig - CHECK, Weight Watchers - CHECK, Atkins - CHECK, Suzanne Somers - CHECK, Nutrisystem - CHECK, The Diet Center - CHECK, LA Weight Loss - CHECK.  The reality is they are businesses designed to make money.  AND, their success rate - ABYSSMAL.  I am not saying that those programs are bad, or that they don't work.  I'm saying that the failure rate for participants is HUGE.  AND, I have failed at every single one of them.  So, no, I am not going back to any of them.  I won't give our money away any more.

Ok, so I know what I am willing to do and what I am not willing to do.  So, again, what will make another attempt at weight loss different??

I DON'T KNOW!!!  I have no freaking idea.

But what I can say, is that I am not willing to quit trying.  Honestly, I may try and fail a million times...I may get to the end of my life and never reach this goal.  BUT, I will never stop trying.  And at least I will be able to say that I never gave up.

  • So, I am recalculating my route.  I am getting back on track.  
  • Wednesday night I hit the gym, Thursday morning too. (It was sad, friends, sad.  BUT, I did it.  I walked slow, and I sweated like I was running a marathon - while in reality I was whopping at the breakneck speed of 2.4 on the treadmill, but I did it!)
  • I haven't had Coke to drink since Tuesday. (Oh, the headaches)
  • I cooked dinner at home yesterday and the day before.   (Did I cook light, no, but I did cook at home and that is a huge step)
  • I brought my lunch to work today. 

I AM TRYING.  And for the moment, I am back on course.

Will I get off course again? ODDS ARE I WILL

Will I make a wrong turn?  MY HISTORY SAYS  I WILL

BUT, I won't stop trying.

So, I guess what I want you to know is that this blog may never be about me actually reaching my goal....I desperately hope so, but I can't guarantee it.

What I can guarantee is this...this blog will document a journey - a spirit that refuses to give up.  It will be HONEST and document the FIGHT, the STRUGGLE, the UPS and DOWNS, the FAILURES and SUCCESSES.  


I hope that is enough to keep you interested.  If not, I understand.  There are blogs out there with fantastic success stories - I read many of them, some are my absolute favorites. RUNS FOR COOKIES - ADORE! 

This blog may never be that kind of success story - BUT, it will tell a story - a valuable one at that.  It will be my story - the good, the bad and the ugly.



  1. Your story is an amazing story and your tenacious approach to a reality few of us are wiling to look at square in the eye is probably more helpful to some of us than a million "success" stories....but even as I type that the mere fact that you don't give up is probably one of the greatest success stories I know!  Love you girl and I believe in your ability to continue evolving and becoming! xoxoxoxoxo

  2. You go girl!!! I wish I would have learned this and set down those ground rules when I started my weight loss journey.  I found myself so stressed out over food and calorie counts and workouts that I realized I wasn't even happy anymore. I was very close to my goal weight, but I wasn't happy! What's the point of that?! I had given up so much to be unhappy! Not cool! You have to do what you need to do for yourself and your family. You can lose weight without WW and Jenny Craig and all those things! Little changes like not drinking sodas and cooking at home add up! You will change and grow as a person and lose the weight. Be true to you! Do what makes you happy! You have to be honest and realistic about your life. I applaud and admire you! Even though I only know you from this blog, I'm cheering for your continued success. :)

  3. Like you, I'm on a journey. I think sometimes we get so focused on a destination (goal) that we forget to celebrate the small steps forward in the journey itself... Does that make sense? I just found your blog and I'm glad that I did. Who cares how long the journey is going to take? You are on it! I'm really happy for you for the accomplishments you mentioned - a day without Coke is a step forward; a day cooking at home is a step forward (no need to negate that behavior by discounting what was cooked - you cooked! Great!)... Just keep on the journey - no matter how bumpy or crazy the road gets...