Tuesday, April 10, 2012

ALIVE & RECOMMITTED

Yes.  I am still alive.

Yes.  I have fallen off the wagon...fallen off and am being dragged along the dirt, rock strewn road.  

No.  I haven't posted for this VERY reason.

When a person recording their weight loss journey via blog suddenly stops posting, it is a bad sign.  A very bad sign!

I have no idea what happened!  One day I was jumping for joy and so ecstatic that I was moments away from cracking the 400 lbs. mark, the next day I was up to my eyeballs in fatty, high calorie food....and the fatty, high calorie food has continued for about a week and a half.

My last weigh in, well, it wasn't good.  407 lbs.  That was last Friday, and seriously, that number cannot have done anything but gotten worse.

How, HOW, does someone go from being GUNG HO, MOTIVATED and FOCUSED  to LAZY, TIRED OF IT ALL and WILLING TO THROW AWAY 2 MONTHS OF HARD WORK!

I don't have an answer for that, beyond just saying...this is the battle - THE BATTLE AGAINST OBESITY - and why winning this battle is HARD and why SO MANY never reign victorious (boy, that sounds pompous!)

BUT, I am not giving up.  I don't care if I fall off the wagon a million more times, my commitment is this....

I WILL CLAW MY WAY BACK ONTO SAID WAGON - EVERY SINGLE TIME I FALL OFF.  

AND 

THERE WILL COME A DAY WHEN I HOLD ON SO TIGHT TO THAT RAMPAGING, BUMPING, RUNAWAY WAGON - LIKE LITERALLY BIND MYSELF TO IT -  THAT I NEVER FALL OFF AGAIN!

Rather than make a million excuses WHY I am off the wagon - excuses you have all heard before - excuses I have made so, so, SO many times, I am just going to recommit myself to this journey...because I know it is the right thing to do AND I know that I deserve to see it through to the end.

I am recommitting myself to my 'Ready for Summer Challenge' goals (needless to say, I have failed to achieve those goals.  FAILED MISERABLY!).

AND, I am recommitting myself to the 'Motivated Mommies' and the FABULOUS ladies there, including the fantastic Erin over at Eating Away Ernie, because they deserve my commitment!

Yes.  I will survive - and beyond simply surviving, I will THRIVE!

Yes.  I will probably fall off the wagon again - BUT, I will get back on.

No.  I will not EVER give up.

I. AM. RECOMMITTED.

**Hopefully I don't have to write another similar post in a week and a half, but if I do, so be  it.**






8 comments:

  1. I read everyone of your posst and I care a lot about your health and weight loss journey. You are moving a mountain, you're goning to slide back and be discourage all the time. Food addiction is no different then drug or alcohol addiction. When we get ahead of it we want to reward ourselves with what we denied ourselves. I gets easier Connie.  Your MO should be 'I pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again'!   It works all the time for me! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pick_Yourself_Up.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love your attitude Connie!!  I think weight loss is one of the hardest things to do, and I think everyone falls and tumbles many times...it is the getting back up and starting again that shows your strength!  What is helping me right now is pulling strength from each time I walk away, or pass up, some type of food that I know is bad for me.  It is a "one hour at a time" thing for me each day, but I have to keep telling myself...I didint eat "said bad food"!  Wow!!!!  I am awesome :)   

    ReplyDelete
  3. I grabbed your ankle when I fell off the wagon...so I'm right there being dragged down the road with you, and like you, I am NOT going to give up!!! We CAN DO THIS!!! If Katie (at Runs for Cookies) can be a food addict and keep off over a 100 lbs....we can too!!! Tomorrow is another day! Something exciting is coming up for me...that 'should' help me strap into that wagon! ; ) I'll be posting about it in a little bit.

    ReplyDelete
  4. It is a tough journey, and you're right, that's why many of us really struggle to succeed -- keep at it. Take small steps. That's the best thing about this challenge - you don't have to change everything at once, but choosing 2-3 things to change in your daily routine IS possible. You can do it! You owe it to yourself to do it! Good luck!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Resiliency is sometimes a greater strength than determination.... I just want you to know I love your brutal honesty... and how real you keep everything.  I have no doubt in your ability to do this and no doubt in your drive and on the wagon or off I am beside you cheering you on and adoring you because you are a terrific human!!!! Love you so!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I wondered where you had gone. Nice to know you're still alive! And honestly, I don't think "starting over" is the right way to put it.  Because you haven't lost the progress you've made. It not starting over, it starting again.  We have to go to the beginning of the race to start over, but we only have to get up and go to start again.  So congrats on starting again!  I for sure am one who is rooting for ya.  While rooting for myself as I do the same.  Thanks for still posting and encouraging the rest of us!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Welcome back!  excellent attitude and admirable catch.  Onward and upward!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Good for you for coming back and owning up to it.  The same thing has happened to me.  The good thing is, the wagon will always be here for you get right back on.  Good luck to you!  :)

    ReplyDelete

WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND! DON'T BE SHY! I LOVE COMMENTS!