I feel schizophrenic right now...waffling between a dedicated, motivated, committed woman on a path to reach her health and fitness goals AND a woman who can't seem to stay in control, and sometimes acts like she doesn't even want to!
What. The. Hell!
I had a great weigh in this week - GREAT! I welcomed a new weight "decade"...it felt great! I am 2 lbs. away from my lowest weight in 8 years...and what am I doing?
FALLING. OFF. THE. WAGON!
I have really struggled to stay on track the last three days - a lot of eating out, over my calories Saturday, Sunday and Monday! Failing to food journal....I swear, I am one Coke away from complete melt down.
So, of course, I just keep asking myself WHY? Why am I allowing this to happen?
IS IT THE CHANGE OF SEASON? Desire to feel carefree as summer arrives?
IS IT A SELF DESTRUCTIVE TENDENCY I HARBOR WITHIN MYSELF? I am really starting to make progress on my weight loss journey! In my past attempts to lose weight, it seems like right as I start to make real progress, I struggle and eventually fail. Am I subconsciously afraid of losing weight and getting to my goal?
All I know is that I am struggling, and every day that I let it get away from me it becomes that much more difficult to get back on track.
I do not want to fail, that is for sure - but right now that desire is NOT out weighing my desire to eat, eat, eat! I guess this is where I have to dig deep and force myself to do this and pray that they motivation and desire returns.
Three days are lost - I can't afford to lose a fourth. So, I'm going to read stories of others who are doing well and I'm going to lean on their success. I'm going to remind myself that for four months I have made a dent in this mountain - it is moving - and it would be a shame to stop now. And, I'm going to pray and ask for help - because let's face it - I have never been doing this on my own.