Monday, June 3, 2013

THERE CANNOT BE A FOURTH!

I feel schizophrenic right now...waffling between a dedicated, motivated, committed woman on a path to reach her health and fitness goals AND a woman who can't seem to stay in control, and sometimes acts like she doesn't even want to!

What. The. Hell!

I had a great weigh in this week - GREAT!  I welcomed a new weight "decade"...it felt great!  I am 2 lbs. away from my lowest weight in 8 years...and what am I doing?

FALLING. OFF. THE. WAGON!

I have really struggled to stay on track the last three days - a lot of eating out, over my calories Saturday, Sunday and Monday! Failing to food journal....I swear, I am one Coke away from complete melt down.

So, of course, I just keep asking myself WHY?  Why am I allowing this to happen?

IS IT THE CHANGE OF SEASON?  Desire to feel carefree as summer arrives?

IS IT A SELF DESTRUCTIVE TENDENCY I HARBOR WITHIN MYSELF?  I am really starting to make progress on my weight loss journey!    In my past attempts to lose weight, it seems like right as I start to make real progress, I struggle and eventually fail.  Am I subconsciously afraid of losing weight and getting to my goal?

All I know is that I am struggling, and every day that I let it get away from me it becomes that much more difficult to get back on track.

I do not want to fail, that is for sure - but right now that desire is NOT out weighing my desire to eat, eat, eat!   I guess this is where I have to dig deep and force myself to do this and pray that they motivation and desire returns.

Three days are lost - I can't afford to lose a fourth.   So, I'm going to read stories of others who are doing well and I'm going to lean on their success.  I'm going to remind myself that for four months I have made a dent in this mountain - it is moving - and it would be a shame to stop now.  And, I'm going to pray and ask for help - because let's face it - I have never been doing this on my own.

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16 comments:

  1. I think you can even go back to read some of your OWN posts and remember how good you feel when you are on track!
    You inspire the heck out of me for sure!!!

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    1. This was a great recommendation! THANK YOU! I just don't understand why it is so easy to forget how good being on track feels!!

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  2. You got this! You know how to be good, and even lose the weight, so just make yourself do it. Its a lifestyle change, not a diet. You're gonna do it for the rest of your life, so one or two... or even three bad days isn't gonna ruin it for you. Like you said though, make sure there isn't a fourth. You can stop yourself from this downhill spiral. You can do it! I know its hard... I am the same way. I get into a "oh, this won't hurt" mentality and then I regret it. One day may not hurt, but it doesn't help either. You got this :-)

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    1. Thanks Amanda! I have to remind myself over and over that these are changes I am making forever, and that it isn't easy to "reprogram" yourself. There are bound to be days that are more difficult than others - but you are right, giving in to that just makes it easier to go back to bad habits! I'm moving forward again, and hopefully I can build up momentum and be stronger when the next hard time hits.

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  3. You inspire the heck out of me too!! Honestly, you can do this, I know you can! Forget about these past three days - think of the reasons of why you started on the path to a healthy life life in the first place but in the end do it for you. I have faith you can too!! :)

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    1. Thank you Linda! I need to make a vision board, with all the reason that I'm doing this, so that I can have real, visual reminder when the going gets tough!

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  4. Hi Connie, I'm a new reader here, just recently finished going through your blog from the begining. Whew...! Lol, I've enjoyed every minute of it, so hang in there :) I look forward to hearing all about your successes and setbacks, because we all have them. I've wondered why I do that too, gone from shrieking with joy at the new low number on the scale and then walking into the kitchen and stuffing my face, unable to stop :( You will get your mojo back and I cannot wait to be reading about it!

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  5. I'm a fairly new reader... I've been following along for a couple of months now. I just want to encourage you. You CAN do this. 18 months ago I had my 4th baby in 9 years... I was at my highest weight. I quickly lost almost 40lbs and then just stopped. In August, I started walking. Each day I made the choice to go for a walk with my kids. Then I started to make a choice about what I ate. Each good choice led to another good choice. Today I can proudly say that I have lost 136lbs. Has everyday been easy. NO! Have I struggled with what I eat and going for a run some days?? YES!! Take one day at a time.. one victory... one setback. And, yes pray. I pray to God EVERY day to help. God will not fail you. Yes, there is a lot ahead of you... but look at how amazingly far you've come. One day, one choice at a time! :)

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  6. Hi Connie! Even if you feel very awkward about your success, do not self-sabotage. Go through the motions that lead to weight loss even if it feels wrong. You know what to do--do that no matter what.

    :-) Marion

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  7. Been there. Done that. I'm very excited because I broke the 25 lb. barrier I haven't been able to get through the last three or four attempt. Take a breath and see if you can talk yourself through it. Or talk to someone else. Is it because it doesn't feel "new" anymore? Change something up. Find a new exercise, a new walking trail, experiment with new foods.

    We can do this. Just don't quit wanting to.

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  8. Hi Connie,

    I have been reading your blog for about a month and think your journey is inspirational. Our journeys are different, but they both enjoy weight loss and changing the way we live. Two very tough things! Please don't give up! I know you can do it!

    I know everyone is different, but one thing that helps me when I struggle is to think about my successes. For me I simply try to think about things on this journey that have made me feel good like the day I comfortably fit into a smaller size pants or finishing couch to 5k. I think about those things and tell myself that I want all of those things way more than the unhealthy eating, food etc! Hope this suggestion is helpful. If nothing else, go back and read some of your own posts. Those are inspirational!

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  9. Reading blogs is a great motivator. When I started losing in 2008 I read the message boards on 3fatchicks.com constantly, it really helped. Lynnsweigh.blogspot.com was one of the first blogs I found She doesn't blog as much right now, but I went back and read all of her blogs from when she started and it really helped me.
    Take it one day at a time, when you have one good day you feel better, then string the good days together. Momentum really helps. Some times I still feel like I'm white-knuckling it. It is so true that you pick your hard- struggling to lose and keep the weight off is hard and being overweight and sick is hard.
    You can do it, just don't give up!

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  10. Come back - come back!! even if it's not good news right now, the accountability helps!!

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  11. I'm worried that it's been a week and we haven't heard from you. . . . that's usually not good. Come back Connie!! We miss you!!

    Lyda Ann

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  12. Connie I just wanted to let you know how much you impress me. I just found a fellow blog "Runs for Cookies" which linked me with yours. Would you believe this if the very first time I've ever read blogs, and this is the first post of yours I read. This is even the first time I've ever posted on someone's blog! But God brought this blog to me, and this post. I connected with you immediately. I thought, who this women is in the same spot I am. I just couldn't get over how God brought this to me just when I needed it. I sit here, the heaviest I have ever been, beginning my own journey. I don't have anyone in my physical world who understands the struggle and how badly I want to conquer it, but you do. Thank you. Thank you for having the courage to post this journey, to admit failure, to admit struggle, to know that you aren't perfect, but you are fighting on, is a great encouragement. More than you will ever know in this lifetime, but later you will meet in Heaven all those that you have touched.
    Thank you again,
    Jenn C

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    1. Jenn, what a sweet comment! Thank you so much! This is definitely one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I have tried and failed so many times! Despite the many failures, I haven't given up and right now I am so happy to be making progress! I KNOW you can do the same. One of the reasons I decided to blog about my journey is because I wanted to find other people who were in my same situation and who were looking for support, just like I was....when I get comments like yours, I know I made the right choice.

      I know it seems impossible right now, but as you take it day by day the time will fly by and before you know it you will have made significant progress on your journey!

      PLEASE keep me up to date on your progress! I do have a facebook page for Moving the Mountain - really, I hope it turns into a forum for people on long weight loss journeys to give and receive support from each other! If you think it would be beneficial, link up.

      Best of luck on your journey! I know you can do it!

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