On my way in to work on Monday all I could think about was looking up lap band and gastric bypass information so that I could get the ball rolling.
Thankfully by the time I arrived at the office, I had already gotten my thinking back on track.
Please don't get me wrong. I have no issues with people who make the choice to lose weight using bariatric surgery. I can fully appreciate that each person has to make a choice that is right for them. For me, it is just not the path I want to take.
First off, the Hubs is incredibly opposed to it.
Secondly, my mother had bariatric surgery many years ago - and let me tell you, it was not healthy for her. Although she lost weight, she has battled poor nutrition every day since and it has taken a real toll on her body.
Finally, the mortality rates (for gastric bypass specifically) are far too high for my comfort.
Bottom line, I don't want to go that route. I want to do this without the help of drugs or surgery (I swear, I sound like a woman making a birthing plan!).
So, I was glad when I came down from the ledge I was clearly standing on (ready to jump at any moment) and started to feel rational and logical again.
I think when I started this journey I had really convinced myself that I would not have any slips or falls or jumps off the wagon. Although today I can look back and see that was an unrealistic expectation, at the time I just felt so ready for change that I could not imagine going backwards.
But there I was. Two weeks of basically going backwards...
AND I am still struggling to get back on track. While I have my eating under control again, I have not gotten back on the work out wagon. I am actually starting to miss it! BUT, when I get home from work right now, I am just wiped out and have absolutely no motivation to drag my very ample rear to the rec center.
A few things I have noticed:
- Eating out is like a death sentence for my diet. I know that many, many people are able to eat out and do well on a diet, but I am not one of them. Once I start eating out it becomes something that I allow myself to do more and more often. It also takes my focus off what I am trying to accomplish. When I have to cook at home, or prepare lunch, I am so focused on being creative and putting together satisfying meals that meet my nutritional needs. Once I start to eat out I no longer focus on those things and before I know it, I am spiraling back into really bad behaviors.
- Drinking carbonated beverages of any kind kills me. Even diet drinks. For whatever reason when I drink soda it makes me crave food that is not good for me. I don't know if it is just a mental association, or what, but it is something that derails me.
- Working out regularly helps keep me focused. It keeps my "eye on the prize". Seriously, after I have spent an hour burning off calories, I am in no way inclined to put them back in my body! NOT INCLINED AT ALL. I have got to make it a top priority.
Don't eat out, you will have better weight loss! YOU KNOW THIS CONNIE...REALLY, YOU KNOW THIS!
Don't drink carbonated beverages, they give you cravings! HELLO, MCFLY! WHY ARE YOU SABOTAGING YOURSELF? DIET DRINKS TASTE LIKE A** ANYWAY! YOU CRINGE EVERY TIME DRINK ONE!
Get your workouts in, they keep you focused on your goals! CONNIE, WHY ARE YOU FORSAKING
WHY WHY WHY isn't it as simple as it seems? WHY???
Let me tell you, I really want to make this happen. I really do! AND I want to be able to do it without the aid of medications or surgery...it just feels like something I need to do on my own. Will there come a day when I change my mind? Maybe. I won't rule it out. BUT, I feel like I have to give my absolute best effort before it comes to that.
I haven't given this my absolute best yet. I know I have more in me than this.
So, for now, I'm saying no to the surgical route.
I needed to see this tonight...a reminder that the world may choose to judge us on the outside, but we are SO much more! Jonathan, you are my hero!