Wednesday, March 28, 2012


Sunday did not go well.  It did not go well at all.  The spiral continued.  My attitude was terrible...and my eating followed suit.  By the end of the night I was in full "give up" mode.  I was just ready to throw in the towel and admit that 1) I was going to spend the rest of my life fat  or 2) I was going to admit that I cannot lose this much weight without surgical intervention.

On my way in to work on Monday all I could think about was looking up lap band and gastric bypass information so that I could get the ball rolling.

Thankfully by the time I arrived at the office, I had already gotten my thinking back on track.

Please don't get me wrong.  I have no issues with people who make the choice to lose weight using bariatric surgery.  I can fully appreciate that each person has to make a choice that is right for them.  For me, it is just not the path I want to take.

First off, the Hubs is incredibly opposed to it.

Secondly, my mother had bariatric surgery many years ago - and let me tell you, it was not healthy for her.  Although she lost weight, she has battled poor nutrition every day since and it has taken a real toll on her body.

Finally, the mortality rates (for gastric bypass specifically) are far too high for my comfort.

Bottom line, I don't want to go that route.  I want to do this without the help of drugs or surgery (I swear, I sound like a woman making a birthing plan!).

So, I was glad when I came down from the ledge I was clearly standing on (ready to jump at any moment) and started to feel rational and logical again.

I think when I started this journey I had really convinced myself that I would not have any slips or falls or jumps off the wagon.  Although today I can look back and see that was an unrealistic expectation, at the time I just felt so ready for change that I could not imagine going backwards.

But there I was.  Two weeks of basically going backwards...

AND I am still struggling to get back on track. While I have my eating under control again, I have not gotten back on the work out wagon.  I am actually starting to miss it!  BUT, when I get home from work right now, I am just wiped out and have absolutely no motivation to drag my very ample rear to the rec center.

A few things I have noticed:
  • Eating out is like a death sentence for my diet.  I know that many, many people are able to eat out and do well on a diet, but I am not one of them.  Once I start eating out it becomes something that I allow myself to do more and more often.  It also takes my focus off what I am trying to accomplish.  When I have to cook at home, or prepare lunch, I am so focused on being creative and putting together satisfying meals that meet my nutritional needs.  Once I start to eat out I no longer focus on those things and before I know it, I am spiraling back into really bad behaviors.
  • Drinking carbonated beverages of any kind kills me.  Even diet drinks.  For whatever reason when I drink soda it makes me crave food that is not good for me.  I don't know if it is just a mental association, or what, but it is something that derails me.
  • Working out regularly helps keep me focused.  It keeps my "eye on the prize". Seriously, after I have spent an hour burning off calories, I am in no way inclined to put them back in my body!  NOT INCLINED AT ALL.  I have got to make it a top priority. 
It seems so simple really....

Don't eat out, you will have better weight loss!  YOU KNOW THIS CONNIE...REALLY, YOU KNOW THIS!


Get your workouts in, they keep you focused on your goals!  CONNIE, WHY ARE YOU FORSAKING 

WHY WHY WHY isn't it as simple as it seems?  WHY???

Let me tell you, I really want to make this happen.  I really do!  AND I want to be able to do it without the aid of medications or just feels like something I need to do on my own.  Will there come a day when I change my mind? Maybe.  I won't rule it out.  BUT, I feel like I have to give my absolute best effort before it comes to that.

I haven't given this my absolute best yet.  I know I have more in me than this.

So, for now, I'm saying no to the surgical route.


I needed to see this tonight...a reminder that the world may choose to judge us on the outside, but we are SO much more!  Jonathan, you are my hero!


  1. Both our moms have paid heavily for the surgurys they had but things have gotten better. Still not a great idea if you can avoid it. If you want to spend your money on this stuff, pay for cosmetic stuff down the road. On another note, medications that help are a great thing! Try some of the health store stuff first but getting an appetite supressant is nothing to be ashamed of. It will help you form new habits.
    Keep going!!!

  2. I know exactly how you feel...except I'm having the opposite problem right now...I'm getting into the exercise and completely forgetting about eating right. When I feel this way I usually post about it to our Motivated Mommies group and those ladies help me get things back into perspective. Don't forget that we're here for you too! : )

  3. Connie! Yes! I feel the same way about dining out. So long as I prepare my own meals, I do really well, but once I'm out ordering meals, it all goes awry. I am struggling so much to find a balance of some sort that incorporates dining out and I haven't found it yet. I added a bi-weekly cheat meal, but I'm noticing that it often (more times than not) turns into cheat day and then I'm terrified that I'll give up completely!  

    I have witnessed several people struggle to obtain proper nutrition after gastric bypass surgery. They fixed the physical component of weight but their brain has not learned or adjusted to healthy eating behavior and some of them gained considerable amount of weight back. So I salute you to giving it all in doing this on your own. I'm confident that if you stay on track you will see results! You can SO do this! 

    Interesting tidbit about diet soda:
    I haven't been able to kick the habit, but I wonder if my taste receptors would readjust and recalibrate to perceive sweet taste as it should be perceived if I ditch diet drinks. After I drink a diet coke, no fruit taste as sweet as I think it should, so I think it does wreck havoc on your ability to feel satisfied with healthy sweet treats like fruit. 

  4. I think it's AWESOME that you want to do this without surgery!! And I know that you CAN. I know quite a few people that have had the surgery, and every single one of them has gained the weight back. Good for you!

  5. Hi..just found your blog and it sounds like we can relate to each other. I heard my own voice as I was reading a lot of your post.

    I actually had been encouraged by my MD to have surgery AND my husband has been hounding me to do so for years as well. I fought it and tried it on my own.

    Long story short last June I went through the long process of getting approved. Went through all the classes and appointments and evaluations. Got a surgery date for December 15th and was gearing up on the 2 week protein diet and cancelled the surgery on the 13th.

    I am back at Weight Watchers but my husband is right by my side with me. It is a struggle and putting it down on paper looks so easy. The truth is it is not easy and just need to keep moving forward.

    Look forward to following you along your journey.

  6. I considered surgery in August and had my family doctor make a referral for me.  But while waiting for the assessment, I started eating healthier and by the time the assessment date came around in December, I no longer qualified because I had dropped a substantial amount of weight.  I've been battling with my weight my entire life.  Forty-one years later, I have FINALLY learned how to eat properly for my metabolism.  I know you can do this too Connie.  You deserve nothing less.  Good Luck:)

  7. It is tough ... but you've got to stay strong and committed. Make small changes each day - remind yourself of your ultimate goal. You can do it!

  8. I always fantasized about weightloss surgery - at my biggest, it seemed like the only way I'd ever be able to succeed at getting healthier. But the reality is that even with the expensive and painful surgery, you STILL need to eat right and exercise. So why not save the money and the recovery time?

    I also totally understand the issues with diet soda and dining out. I cut them both out entirely at the beginning of my journey, and still don't drink soda at all (and eat out very, very rarely - every few months or so, if I am on vacation - I just prefer being in control of what goes in my food). I can't chew sugar free gum for the same reason - I'm okay with natural sugar in fruits and veggies, but Splenda and artificial sweeteners trigger me.

  9. Katie, thanks for your support!  This is the path I have chosen, and I want to be successful!

  10. Came here from Runsforcookies. I absolutely love your blog. It's funny because I approach dieting the exact same way you just mentioned. I'm not a heavy person but that only makes it much more frustrating that I cannot seem to lose those 10 lbs that would put me at my goal weight. I cannot seem to keep myself on track to eat healthy, stop drinking sodas and exercise religiously. I am doing better but unfortunately although I have cut back my soda habit and I am exercising at least 2-3 times a week (sometimes 4) the scale does not move. 

    I'll continue coming since you're my new motivation