DEVIATING FROM THE PLAN AND GETTING OFF TRACK IS SO EASY TO DO! SO EASY THAT IT IS ACTUALLY FRIGHTENING.
...And it usually starts with something really small - something insignificant that shouldn't be a big deal in the overall scheme of things - but at the end of the day, it really is.
Last Wednesday we had a good friend over for dinner. We hadn't seen her in a while and so we ate and chatted. By the time she left, we didn't have much time for exercise AND I was exhausted so I didn't end up tracking my dinner before I went to bed.
FIRST SMALL DEVIATION - DIDN'T TRACK THE DAY FULLY, DIDN'T COMPLETE EXERCISE THAT WAS PLANNED FOR THE DAY.
Then, on Thursday, I started on program and was doing fine (except I didn't really eat enough during the day). That night my husband and I went out - we had planned to grab dinner (a healthy dinner), but ended up having to wait until later. By the time we were able to eat it was 10:45 pm and nothing was open - and we were STARVING. We made poor choices (we ate at Beto's - a local Mexican joint that is open 24 hours), and the next morning woke up feeling like gum on the bottom of a shoe! And of course, it was late, and I didn't track the rest of the day, didn't post my accountability AGAIN.
SECOND SOMEWHAT BIGGER DEVIATION - DIDN'T TRACK AGAIN, ATE OUT - AT A FAST FOOD RESTAURANT!!!
Friday rolled around (TGIF, right!!!). I was rushing in the morning and didn't grab a lunch before I left - so I ate out AGAIN (eating out is like a fast spreading disease with me) - Brick Oven Pizza. I had a salad, some soup and a few slices of mini pizza. Not terrible, but, not great either. BUT IT GETS WORSE...THEN, my dear friend Rebs had free tickets to see 'The Bourne Legacy' (great movie BTW) - and those free tickets included free popcorn and free drinks - AND OF COURSE - we had to make a night of it, so we ate out too. So, 3 eat outs in a 24 hour period AND popcorn AND a drink (I drank Diet Coke, so not terrible, but overall I am really trying to avoid soda, period). OH YEAH - no tracking, no accountability, no exercise.
SPIRALING...
SPIRALING...
SPRIALING....
THIRD MUCH LARGER DEVIATION - DIDN'T PACK LUNCH, DIDN'T TRACK, DRANK SODA, NO EXERCISE, ATE OUT - AGAIN!
On Saturday morning when I woke up I was dreading the scale, but I decided that no matter what, I was getting on. I was SHOCKED when I stepped on and saw this:
411.2
4.4 lbs. lost
BUT, I determined to make the day better - I ate a good breakfast and then headed outside with the Hubs to do yard work. We mowed the lawn, pulled weeds, planted trees. For lunch we decided that because we had worked SO hard, of course, we should reward ourselves with an eat out. TACO TIME! Not good, not good at all. I tried to choose well - I wasn't totally worried because I knew I was burning a lot of calories working in the yard - but in the end - the food I chose was CRAP, and did nothing to fuel my body and help me get through the grueling work we were doing in the yard. That night we celebrated my brother's 50th Birthday - family BBQ - hot dogs, taco salad (a family recipe), chips, cake. I didn't go nuts, but I also wasn't super careful.
FOURTH NOW HUGE DEVIATION - ATE OUT AGAIN, BUT THIS TIME AT A RESTAURANT THAT IS A TOTAL TRIGGER, DIDN'T TRACK, DIDN'T EXERCISE ON PLAN (YES, I GOT SOME EXERCISE IN FROM THE YARD, BUT MY HALF MARATHON TRAINING IS DOWN THE TOILET RIGHT NOW)
BUT, the point here is...AN ALCOHOLIC DOESN'T GO OUT AND TAKE A SIP OF ALCOHOL WHEN THEY ARE GETTING CLEAN - AND STAYING CLEAN...AND I SHOULD NOT BE EATING ANY OF THIS STUFF WHILE I AM TRYING TO GET HEALTHY - AND STAY HEALTHY!!!
Sunday played out pretty much the same - not wanting to cook, eating out, poor choices, no exercise.
FIFTH COMPLETE MELTDOWN OF PLAN - NO TRACKING, ATE OUT - TWICE, NO EXERCISE.
DANGER - DANGER - DANGER - KABOOM!
That brings me to today. I logged on this morning and looked at by last blog post - I was floored that my last accountability post was on TUESDAY! How in the heck did that happen! I couldn't believe it!
Although I realize that I have to celebrate the small victories and identify the things I do well, I also have to admit that I AM BASICALLY AN ADDICT - MY DRUG OF CHOICE - AN UNHEALTHY LIFESTYLE. And making change means identifying triggers and staying away from them - maybe forever!! It also means following a routine - diligently - to try to break the bad, addictive behaviors that have built up over the years.
Meth addicts aren't told - Hey, it's OK to have a little meth, don't beat yourself up if you do!
Alcoholics aren't told - Hey, a little alcohol won't kill you - It's OK to have a little every once in a while.
THIS IS NOT ANY DIFFERENT. This is an addition, and breaking it is just as difficult as breaking any other addiction.
It is not OK to let the very behaviors that have gotten me here sneak back in - it isn't OK to indulge them in anyway. No, I can't beat myself up and I do have to pick up and move forward - but every time I indulge in these behaviors, I set myself back! CRITICALLY.
So, today is a new day - YES IT IS.
I am tracking - I will be walking tonight - I will be cooking at home this evening...and you will see an accountability post - come hell or high water!
END DEVIATION.
This is an experience that MOST everybody has when trying to lose weight and just live a healthier lifestyle. I say most because Leigh (Poonapalooza) is a freakin' AWESOME MACHINE and has NEVER gone off her plan...but most of us mere mortals have setbacks like this once, twice, a hundred times sometimes. The important thing is that you take responsibility for your choices, get back up and KEEP MOVING FORWARD (just had a flash from the Meet The Robinson's Movie)! You are a strong, determined woman and I know that you will learn from this experience and move along more prepared than you were before! : )
ReplyDeleteSo, Connie, I went to a yoga health center for my birthday. I mostly go for the yoga but there are a few interesting classes to take while you're there. I sat in on a yoga nutrition class that was a lot of weird yoga principles (because yoga is much more of a philosophy than a few poses). But one of the principles was do no harm/non violence or something like that translated from Sanskrit. Of course you think that is the reason for the vegetarian diet but the nutritionist (who is a board certified/Mass general kind of nutritionist too) was saying that non violence with her clients can really be about not beating yourself up after you eat the junk food. I think we all have a lot of negative responses to our behaviors that push us further down the rabbit hole when it comes to diet. So I like the end of your post - forgive yourself, love yourself and do better today - I always do better with the positive reinforcements - how's that for my $120 worth of yoga camp zen? ;)
ReplyDeleteChoosing to sign up for a marathon was a really good thing. Now, you've got to keep your marathon training in mind. For each choice you make, ask yourself - will this help or hinder me from reaching that finish line? I think looking at it as a drug addiction, like you mentioned, is an accurate comparison. It's not about denying yourself food; it's about allowing yourself to live a healthy life.
ReplyDeleteAfter developing some great habits over the past two months, the past 10 days has seen several serious deviations on my part. Gotta refocus myself. Hang in there. Maybe you and I should be careful about where we have that catch-up lunch. :)
ReplyDeleteI have not gone off plan THIS TIME around! I have yo-yo dieted for most of my life. Things are just different this time around for me. I have never wanted anything as much as I want to be an active, healthy mom to my son. Just like running, weight-loss and lifestyle change is a mental game. You (and by "you" I don't mean you specifically) have to be in the groove, or it's not going to happen for you. I finally hope that I am going to win this game because my weight issues have been a difficult opponent to beat over the years. My fingers and toes are crossed for both you (Connie) and Erin to be the victors in your game as well:)
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