Sometimes life just makes me tired.
And right now, Life has kicked it into high gear and I feel down right narcoleptic.
This week my girls started back to school. Back to school is an incredibly stressful and frustrating time for me. Most parents are jumping with joy, welcoming the return of schedules and normalcy to their lives. The boredom of the summer is over, replaced with classwork and friends and purpose!
Me, on the other hand, I am trying to figure out if I can sell the story that we are American Gypsies and we are pulling our daughters from school because - HEY - they need to be learning to cook and clean so they can prepare themselves for a life of servitude to undeserving men who will never appreciate all they do...
OK, I think my feminism might show through a little too much for me to effectively sell that story!
Anyway, point being, back to school is incredibly stressful for me, and here's why:
The school my kids attend, although wonderful in many aspects, is completely incompatible with the schedules of working parents. The start and end times make it impossible to effectively get my kids to and from school without begging for help from other parents - who, let's face it, have their own set of problems to deal with (please know there are those who have extended their help to me and I appreciate them more than I could ever say)! Overall, it just makes me feel crappy that I can't do for my kids what I should be able to for them - for my reason for living, the most important thing in my life - and I can't EFFING GET THEM TO SCHOOL BECAUSE IT STARTS 25 MINUTES LATER THAN IS COMPATIBLE WITH MY WORK SCHEDULE! 25 MINUTES IS DESTROYING MY SANITY RIGHT NOW!!!
Yes, I could have them walk to and from school - but the town I live in has provided NO safe walkways for children. There are no sidewalks to the school and so the children walk ON the road or in the gravel NEXT to the road. They did attempt to install a walkway made of asphalt - but they ran it down the side of the road where the children would have to cross MULTIPLE streets - without the assistance of a crossing guard, instead of running it down the other side of the road where that would not be an issue. AND SO, last year a child was hit by a car on this supposed "safe walkway".
Oh yeah, and then there is the whole PEDOPHILE thing that every parent in America worries about - that some disgusting, perverted human being is stalking their kids, waiting for the opportunity to grab them from the so called "safe walkway".
There are no before or after school programs to help ease the burden (even though many other schools and districts in the area have implemented similar programs)...and I'm sure that inquiring about the possibility of getting something in place will be met with a lot of excuses (mainly financial) as to why it can't happen.
And all of this combined with a very high maintenance parent who, although I love very much, I am tired of dealing with, stressful in-law relationships, maintaining a household, being an active member of my church, going to work everyday - and oh yeah, that roller coaster I am on called weight loss - and you have the making of a VERY tiring life situation.
And so, today, I feel tired and worn out from it all.
So, how did I deal with it?
Not well. Not well at all.
Today I snapped like a twig, drove to the local McDonald's and drowned my sorrows in a quarter pounder, a large fry and the biggest Coke they could provide me.
And sadly, I feel better.
Yes - it is only temporary relief - but right now, I'll take it.
Look, if you are thinking "Come on, you have so many blessings" - you would be right - but today I can't see the forest through the trees.
AND, if you are reading this and saying "food isn't the answer", you would be right too...but when food has been your comfort - the thing you have fled to for 18 years to make it all go away - finding a different answer is far harder than you might imagine.
What I know is this.
Life makes us all tired sometimes. And when we are tired, we don't always deal with things the best way possible - and that's OK.
A good nights sleep will change perspective and make all the difference. So here is to the best damn sleep ever - tomorrow is a new day.