I feel like I'm in a really good place right now. A really good place. Are things perfect, far from it, but I feel good. I feel focused and I feel like I am doing the things I need to right now.
There are so many areas of my life that I feel I need to improve on...so darn many...but this year I decided that even though all of those things are important, there is no way I can fix every single one of them at the same time. I have to make choices...I have to decide which are my priorities. And you know what, I came out on top. Taking care of me and taking care of the issue that affects every other aspect of my life - my weight - that became my priority. I won't feel selfish about it. I just won't. I need to put myself first if I ever want to be able to give to the other areas of my life the way I want to. So, this year is about me losing weight, changing my lifestyle and becoming an energetic, healthy woman. Are other things being put on hold...yes, they are...and again, I won't feel badly about that. It doesn't mean those things aren't important, it just means that THIS is more important right now, because THIS impacts all those other things. And I think I'm on the right track, because I feel so good right now, and I think that is how we know we are on the right path...we feel it. We feel calmed...and that is how I feel. Calm. For me, that is a big deal. A really big deal.
Now, it scares me a bit to feel like this. Tonight I told my husband that I am scared that it is all going to fall apart. Is this calm I'm feeling the calm before the storm? I so hope not. I need the calm to stick around to get me through this weight loss journey...and I'm praying it does, I really am.
Today was a great day...I didn't let the disappointment of the weigh in yesterday get to me, and I'm proud of myself for that. I woke up and made a fantastic breakfast for me and my family. It was a great way to start the day, and I was so happy as we sat around the table and ate and talked.
On a side note, I love my family. I love them so, so much.
After breakfast we just hung around...and did nothing. It was spectacular, and I loved just doing nothing....it rarely happens around here...and honestly, it was a seriously treasured moment!
After about an hour of doing nothing my sister called and asked if we wanted to go bowling. It sounded like so much fun and we decided to do it. I haven't bowled in so long!! We had a great time, even though my bowling skills are less than fabulous. Watching the kids bowl was the best. They had such a good time, and their reactions were priceless when the pins fell down...just loved it.
We had a major WIN at the bowling alley today...let's face it, part of the charm of bowling is eating really fattening, fried food. EVERYONE around us was eating fried food...we were dying. BUT, we decided before hand that we would not eat anything while we were there...and we didn't. It wasn't easy, but we did it...and we still had a GREAT time.
By the time we were done I was absolutely starving. The whole drive home I was thinking about what we would eat. I was not thrilled at the thought of a ham sandwich, but I resigned myself to the thought. Then, in a moment of magic, I remembered that I had a sandwich maker at home...one I haven't used, EVER, to make a sandwich. I pulled it out and made ham and swiss sandwiches with tomato and a little mayo. They were FANTASTIC. Everything melted together perfectly and the outcome absolutely hit the spot. We had dill pickles, and orange and some baked cheetos on the side. It was an incredibly satisfying meal and it made the whole "don't eat at the bowling alley" thing worth it.
After lunch, we vegged out watching pre-academy awards shows. I ended up falling asleep, as did Chris and the girls. After an hour and 20 minutes I woke up...it felt great to take a quick nap, and again, I just felt really good, and calm, and happy.
We got up and we started making dinner. I was determined to try a new recipe from Skinnytaste.com: baked chicken parmesan. I had cooked twice already and I guilted Chris into making dinner...I gave him the recipe and away he went. It turned out so good!! I could not believe how tasty it was! I most definitely need to try more of her recipes. It was so delicious!
Now, my breakfast this morning was not exactly low in calories...so, by the time dinner was over, I was out of calories for the day. I was actually amazed that I stayed within my calorie range. Everyone had ice cream for dessert, and even though I really wanted to have some AND could have rationalized going over my calorie range, I decided against it. PROGRESS!!
I still have so far to go on this journey, and I have fallen down so many times in the past, but right now, I have so much hope that I will get there!!
Week 5...going strong and in a good place! Thank goodness!!!