Thursday, February 16, 2012


We as humans have a flaw - a major flaw!  We make bad choices.  We do.

We. Make. Bad. Choices.

Not all the time, but on a fairly regular basis.

The amazing thing is, we often KNOW we are making a bad choice, and we do it anyway.  Most of the time it makes us miserable when we do it, but we do it anyway.  We make the bad choice - and then we suffer for it.

Here's the thing - Life has rules.  It does.  Most of us don't like it, and we want to find a way around it, but it doesn't change the reality.

Life. Has. Rules.

And when we break those rules, there are consequences.  Yes, There. Are. Consequences!

In our day and age we are all about making excuses for why it's OK to break the rules.  Why the consequences aren't really ALL that bad, right!  I mean, come on, it's our life, isn't it.

The problem with all this "rule breaking" and "bad choice making" is that RARELY do the consequences affect only us.  More often than not they affect those around us - the people we love most - even the people we may not love, but who just happen to be our fellow human beings travelling along with us in this thing called life.

We know this.  We get it. It doesn't matter.  WE KEEP DOING IT!

And as we continue to do it, we hurt those around us.  We don't want to admit it, but the reality is...WE HURT THOSE AROUND US WHEN WE MAKE BAD CHOICES...WHEN WE BREAK THE RULES.

I am a rule breaker.  Yep.  I am.

I came into my own where rule breaking was concerned in my mid early twenties.  Pushing the envelope became my modus operandi.  Telling me NOT to do something was like a dare to me -  I was probably going to do it anyway.  Because, look, I am my own woman...and I will decide what I will and will not do - on my own.  I will not learn from other's mistakes - why should I when I can make my own and learn from them!!  And even then, I will barely learn from my own!  I will do what I want, when I want, how I want.  DAMN THE CONSEQUENCES!

You know where this attitude has gotten me?  To 430 lbs.  That's where.  To 160/100 unmedicated.  That's where.

Did I know that eating 5000 calories a day was going to have a consequence?  YES!
Did I know that the consequence was going to be weight gain?  YES!
Did I know that this weight gain was going to cause me pain and suffering?  YES!
Did I know that it was going to affect those around me? YES!

But I did it anyway.  I knew, with every fiber of my being, that it was the wrong choice, but I did it anyway.  DAMN THE CONSEQUENCES.

So, here I am today....a 37 year old woman...wife to one pretty spectacular guy...mother to two beautiful daughters.  I am a daughter, I am a sister, I am an aunt, and I am a friend.  BAD CHOICE MAKER.  RULE BREAKER.  And you know what, my bad choices have impacted every single one of my relationships.  EVERY SINGLE ONE.  They feel the consequences.

I don't travel - too big to fit in an airplane seat.
I don't run and jump and play with my kids - I tire out far too fast.
I don't go out to socialize with my friends often - I feel too embarrassed about my weight.
I don't volunteer at my children's school - don't want to embarrass them.
I worry openly to my husband about heart attack, stroke, cancer - I'm convinced they are coming.

My bad choices permeate every single moment of every single day.  And you know what, it's my fault.  Plain and simple. It. Is. My. Fault!  I have no one to blame but myself.

I look back at those moments when I made those bad choices, and of course, I wish I could take them back. I wish I had made the right choice - followed the rule.  But I didn't.

But I can't.

What I can do, however, is humble myself, admit there are rules, learn from my mistakes, LEARN FROM THE MISTAKES OF OTHERS, and try with all my heart to make good choices.  To make the choices that I know are right.  The choices that will bring me happiness, and bring happiness to those around me.

And what will that attitude get me?

265 lbs. lost and 120/70 - unmedicated.

Here's to making good choices and following the rules!


  1. I really enjoyed this post, it really hit home for me and is making me
    reevaluate daily choices. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts! 

  2. Good post and one I can certainly relate to.  I'm starting to make amendments to my diet, but they will certainly slow things down for me.  Maybe I'm in a funk?  This post has helped me re-evaluate myself and I know that I need to get back to eating as strict as I was.  I'm the one in control here, and no one is going to do this for me but me.  Thanks for sharing:)

  3. You Rock! I have no doubt in my mind you will succeed....100%. Thanks so much for your courage and trust in all of us that know you, to share with us and have faith that we will be behind you every step of the way! Love Michelle Jones

  4. You have no idea how badly I needed to read this post...there is a cupcake wrapper sitting in front of me and I was ready to go grab another one even though I knew that I shouldn't and that I had already gained back 3 pounds of the 11 I had lost but saying screw this diet because I was having a bad couple of days. Thank you Connie for this post. : )

  5. Sometimes I wish I could give control of this over to someone else, but alas – it is all on me to make the changes.