I have had a lot of people tell me they think it is very courageous that I am sharing my weight on the internet - to document it for all to see.
Here's the thing - I feel like I have given far too much power to those 3 numbers (I almost typed 3 little numbers, but then I realized...well, not so little) for far too long. I need to demystify them - take away their power. In a 12 step program the first thing you have to do is admit the problem. I can't do that without saying...MY NAME IS CONNIE AND I WEIGH 426.8 LBS! Honestly, saying it frees me! It is the first step in the battle! Acknowledging it makes me stronger! I can't let these 3 numbers have any more power over me than I already have for, honestly, my entire life.
Will people see me differently because they actually know how much I weigh? If they do, they are shallow and certainly not someone I want in my life. The people who love me and care for me do so because of the person I am, not because of the numbers that pop up on a scale when I step on it.
We women give far too much power to what we weigh. We keep it a secret. Many of us don't even share it with our significant others!!! The people we have chosen to share our lives with! We give it THAT MUCH POWER! We allow it to make us feel good, or feel bad. We use it to compare ourselves to others - to compare to those COMPLETELY FAKE FACTOIDS celebrities share about how much they weigh. Let's face it - celebrities and models LIE about it, or refuse to divulge it for fear of how it will affect their image. We rush to compare ourselves to them and make changes so we can look the way they look. YOU KNOW WHAT - If I had a personal chef and a personal trainer AND a plastic surgeon who worked together to resolve every flaw in my body, I would look like Jennifer Aniston too! It's not realistic. Not gonna happen. I have me - me, myself and I. And you know what, its enough.
We are more than our weight ladies! We are FAR MORE than our weight.
We need to quit giving it power. As I am typing this I am seriously thinking of making a t-shirt with my weight on it and wearing it all over...and on the back it will say...yep, that's my weight - DEAL WITH IT!
WE ARE MORE THAN OUR WEIGHT!
I AM MORE THAN MY WEIGHT!
So, by sharing my weight with all of you, I have given myself back the power. I have admitted the problem and done it in front of my friends, family AND anyone who comes across my blog. I have taken the first step - and you know what - it is the first step on THE LAST JOURNEY I will ever take to lose weight. I feel powerful enough tonight to guarantee that I will make it to the end of this journey this time.
I will succeed!